The 3 mistakes I made in my coaching business
1. I went for the safe desire.
Some things you desire so deeply that going for them makes you feel vulnerable, raw and exposed. What if it doesn’t happen? I will be crushed.
Other things would be cool if they worked out, but no big deal if they don’t. This is a safe desire.
My safe desire came to me about 3 years ago when I grabbed onto an idea: I was going to be a spiritual-coach-author-superstar.
Hypnotized by the newsletters and Facebooks and Instagrams that told me “make your dreams come true”, I followed the superstar idea down it’s rabbit hole. I did the successful people’s online courses, I hired coaches, designers and even stylists to help me get to superstar status. I bought the hype that if I could just get famous enough, everything would be fine.
Nearly every step down this path to spiritual-coach-author-superstar has been a little bit like walking in 6 inches of mud, in crocs. A whole lot of difficult, uncomfortable, heavy and confusing.
Isn’t that just how it is? Isn’t entrepreneurship tough? Doesn’t uncomfortable mean you are growing? Isn’t it true that all struggle leads to triumph?
Convinced I could make anything happen, I studied all the marketing techniques, and their opposites. I redid my website 4 times. I was always busy, stressed out, over-extended, and tired. I never had enough. I was always looking for the next insight, the next book, the next idea, next client.
To be clear, it wasn’t all a struggle. The truth is that I had the privilege of working with some seriously magical amazing clients.
Although there has been greatness, I would say to people that it’s like I’m on the right path, but I’m facing sideways. Some people said “maybe you are a crab, and you walk sideways.”
No, I’m not a crab, but thanks for the creative option, my orientation has been distorted.
I’ve been going for what is a good idea to want. I’ve been aiming at my mind’s intellectual version of my desire. I’ve been trying to make smart business decisions and ignoring what every cell in my body actually wants.
No wonder it felt like I was walking sideways through the mud. My body and my mind were headed in two different directions.
2. I was trying to tell life what to do.
Turns out my ego had grabbed onto spirituality. That’s a pretty normal thing, apparently. My ego adored the idea that if I kept begging the Universe enough, it would give me the things I was asking for. I did all the right manifestation techniques. Read all the books. Did all the meditations.
And I still wasn’t getting my way. That’s not to say I didn’t learn a lot, but I was still looking sideways on my path.
(This might help you see if you too have an ego that has grabbed onto spirituality… NSFW)
I got really tired and worn down. I stopped writing. I stopped creating clients. I threw tantrums and I ripped up my vision board.
Finally, I realized what was happening, my ego was dressed up in the spirituality costume and was trying to run the show.
There is a subtle difference between identifying as the creator of your world, and living life only following the impulses of the magic that lives through you, creating your world.
My true self is the silent still force of love that got all dressed up in the “I’m-so-spiritual” costume. So I unwound the tight grip my mind had on manifestation and creating my dream life.
And I started asking life what it wanted from me.
What if I stopped trying to make life go my way, and instead harmonized with what life created me for?
3. Fast forwarding the DVD of life only causes anxiety.
I had a vision for what was possible, and I wanted to fast forward to that moment. I kept my eyes on the future, and my body was miserable.
My body can not be in the future, it can only be here, now. When my mind is not where my body is, everything is distorted.
I realized that the way I harmonize with life is by slowing down and letting my mind notice and even embrace what my body is experiencing.
Life moves slowly, egos move fast. Watch seasons change, or a flower bloom. It never goes the pace your ego wants it to. I can’t make this baby grow faster, she’s on her own soul’s pace.
Some of the ways I’m slowing down:
- Cooking new recipes.
- Noticing and admiring details, like the weave on my hoodie’s sleeve.
- Doing the dishes immediately and feeling the water as I do.
- Slowing down when I’m online and letting the information settle.
- Sitting in meditation with no agenda.
- Deeply listening to people, and not thinking of a response while they talk.
- Looking at individual snow flakes.
- Walking, eating and breathing slowly.
- Taking my time to read a really good book.
My body can only be synced up to life’s path for me. My mind can tune into almost anything, and it changes channels very quickly. I’ve distinguished that what my mind says has very little to do with life’s path for me.
I don’t have to believe the things my mind tells me are “smart and safe”. Instead I have learned to go for the impulses that arise from the slow, silent, stillness that’s hiding within the body and under the thoughts.
I’m making a point every moment to face forward on my path. The hard part is, I can only see one or two steps ahead when I’m facing forward. Today that step is writing this blog. Then laundry.
I don’t believe in mistakes, but rather lessons. My success chase has been the most bizarre and beautiful lesson I’ve been on. Of course, it’s an absolutely perfect lesson and has taught me exactly the things I needed to understand for the next layer of my evolution… which is slowly revealing itself, two steps at a time.
My business is morphing into something that truly resonates with me and who I am and what I am great at. Stay tuned. I’m really excited and deeply grounded in this evolution.
Throughout this process, my FAVORITE part has been the soulmates and tremendous magic makers that have appeared in my life. The coaches I work with and the clients I’ve served have been absolutely divine.
I love to hear from you. Email amydeviplay at gmail.