(I’m trying a new writing technique… write while in meditation)
When I try to think of something wise and significant to say, a subtle veil of distortion comes down around my body. About two feet away from my body; a shield of tense energy. As if now that I’ve put some wisdom out there, I must defend it.
Today, writing wisdom and making a point makes me feel as if my freedom is gone, as if I’ve taken a permanent position. When I have a position, I’m no longer a part of the mystery, I’m now a representative of something. Can I be a clear vessel if I have a position?
For 3 years I have practiced slowing down. First I slowed down my schedule. Then I slowed down my pace. Now I’m slowing down how I relate to myself. I just noticed that if I move my fingers too fast, a whirlwind of energy starts to build and my mind tells me who cares and make a point.
When I’m slowed down, I don’t have to have a point or a purpose or a business or a blog.
I get to feel what is here and now and let it move through.
If I take a breath and let my fingers be slow, if I listen to the silence, the pressure of figuring it all out falls away. Now there is nothing to figure out. Everything is as it is. I drop deeper into that knowing. The vastness expands. I sense more subtle changes.
I want to figure out what those subtle changes mean: “is that weird pounding in my ear because I’m dehydrated? I bet it has something to do with my throat chakra.” Those thoughts are welcome, but only as subtle movements in consciousness, not as the answer to the mystery.
I bring love into the dance of thoughts, feelings, energy. I find wisdom does arise, but not in words. It’s a knowing and an anchoring into myself as my guide. From this space I know all things and nothings.