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One of my closest soul sisters told me “this is the most you I’ve ever seen you.” It’s true.

Since the moment Richii and I intentionally conceived M. I have felt a deep and unquestionable faith in the process of becoming a mother. Throughout my pregnancy I chose to filter all the advice through my intuition. I chose my wisdom.

Then labor happened. Looking back, I see that instead of dropping deep into my primal nature and my wisest Kali self, I chose to check out and head for 10th chakra.

For hours, my team of incredible supporters tried to bring me into my body so I could get the baby out.

Finally we ended up where I never imagined we’d be, at the hospital. There, I said fuck this. And I got real.

I knew Baby the hospital was full of caring experts, ready to impose their knowledge. So I got real. And I got that baby out the old fashioned way.

Our hospital stay didn’t end there. Little M. was jaundiced and we ended up 4 days in the hospital. The last time I was in the hospital overnight was when I was born.

During our stay we had 10 nurses, 3 pediatricians, 3 lactation consultants, 4 hospital paperwork people. All very caring and great at their jobs.

Each one had their own slightly different advice. So every 30 minutes or so someone would come in our room and tell us something a little different than the last person.

All I wanted was the space to drop into my wisdom and intuition and be the mama I am. Finally, I pulled out the “fuck this” and told them to leave us alone for a night.

Although I never expected the hospital, it was an amazing teacher for me. When you have a baby, people are excited. They want to offer their experience. I get it.

Saying no to the experts and fiercely trusting myself when my baby was sick was huge. Not that I ignored them, I just chose to filter the information more powerfully.

Being a mother has been much the same, not getting caught up in rules and expectations and instead reading myself, reading my baby. I keep trusting our connection, our family wisdom, and the magic of humanness.

And everyday I’m in awe that I get to play at this epic level: mom.

By |June 23rd, 2016|Categories: be you, evolution, motherhood|Comments Off on Epic Human Level: MOM

Spider I love you
Earlier this week I was wandering through Boulder Public Library behind the cutest 16 month old I know. We mostly rode up and down the elevator, but she did pull out one book from the children’s section: A book about bugs, that also happened to be written in Spanish. So basically, just a book of close-ups on spiders.

WORST BOOK EVER, as far as I’m concerned.

I have managed to be much less squeamish about bugs in real life, when they are small and I can capture them in a jar and release them out of my house. However, I’m not one to choose to look at them through a macro lens.

As creepy as they are, the reality is, I need bugs. They do all sorts of important stuff for me. Mostly I think it has to do with growing food.

As much as my skin crawls at the image of a spider’s 300 eyes and weird spikes and those claw teeth things on it’s mouth… EW… I know that spider matters. That bug has a job in nature, and I love nature.
So even though I don’t LIKE this photo, I have LOVE for the creature in the photo. I can LOVE the magnificent intricacy of it’s design and purpose.

Even more advanced, I can love the part of my that is repulsed by it. I can love the courageous part of me that googled “spider close-ups”. I can love the part of me that had to get up and do the heebie jeebie dance. I can love the part of me that’s worried what if someone with a real spider fear sees this and freaks out.

This is our evolution: LOVE. Distinguishing between LOVE and LIKE. You don’t have to like this post, I do ask that you love your heart though.

spider

By |March 31st, 2016|Categories: Uncategorized|Comments Off on Spider I Love you.

Last night we were watching an episode of Cosmos in which Neil deGrasse Tyson was guiding us into DNA and showing us how evolution works.

I’m fascinated by this process, as studies about DNA come out and show us how our environment and our consciousness level can impact our DNA.

The work I do with people is evolutionary in nature. The work of evolution is now about our consciousness. Having the courage to go within and love all that we find in ourselves is the brightest light work we can do.

As we are all connected by DNA, roads, the internet, our breath and our food systems (to name a few), the more willing you are to be with yourself, the more transformative you become.

If you have the courage to face internal the patterns that say “I don’t matter”, you may find it easier invest in humanely raised animal products or organic vegetables.

If you have the willingness to see the pain inside of you, you may find it easier to see the pain in the person next to you at yoga and reach out to say “Hi, how are you”… and mean it.

The change we need is one of the heart, one of the soul, one of consciousness. Your meditation practice matters AND so does the way you bring that space into the world. Your yoga practice matters AND so does the way it changes your relationships.

By |March 30th, 2016|Categories: Uncategorized|Comments Off on Your Heart Matters

As you know, humanity is in the midst of transformation and if you are reading this, you are probably ahead of the wave. If you are reading this, you are at the forefront creating businesses, putting ideas out, creating publications, writing, speaking, finding new ways of doing and being.

Being at the front of the wave means we are the courageous ones, willing to push through the internal and external resistance. Sometimes we have to dig deep inside to find new ways of being with ourselves and others. Sadly, it often feels like what we do is invisible, undervalued, or totally a waste.

But it isn’t. Every thing you do to usher in the change you feel in your heart matters. Every single thing.

So I’d like to say thank you.
Thank you to the courageous ones, I see you.
Thank you to the ones who are following their hearts.
Thank you to the ones who are taking a stance.
Thank you to the ones who are showing up and taking a different path. I see you. I feel you. I know you matter.
Thank you to those willing to anchor love.
Thank you to those willing to hold space.
Thank you to those who feel so deeply the intensity of transformation.

I have faith in humanity, I wouldn’t be 8 months pregnant if I didn’t. I feel blessed to be at this time in our collective evolution. I trust we can get through this weird ass time and create something beautiful.

By |March 29th, 2016|Categories: be you, evolution, spirituality|Comments Off on Ahead of the Wave

get a clue

Part 1: Hey guys… this isn’t working

We are in the midst of a total system overhaul. Look around and you’ll see how many of our cultural systems have been played out. For many of us, the flaws in the system are glaringly obvious, and yet the new systems have yet to emerge.

It’s easy to get caught in the frustration and anger of a system that doesn’t function and often leaves us going “WTF!”.

Of course, this is precisely what I’ve been experiencing in myself over the last few years. My old ways of operating in the world and inside of myself have completely burnt themselves out. I’ve been in and out of cycles of resentment and frustration, anger and confusion. I want to move ahead with success, and yet have been afraid to create another failing system. You too?

Part 2: So now what? 

Last week, we had a rare foggy morning here in Boulder. As I was driving to my friend’s house for meditation, I couldn’t actually see more than 20 feet of the road ahead, and yet, I had no doubt that it was there.

Why was I willing to have faith that a road I couldn’t see would appear? Mostly, I’ve driven the road many times. And unlike my belief systems, road systems don’t usually crumble under my feet.

Still, the metaphor of the foggy road is pretty sweet because the truth is, most of us can only metaphorically see about 20 feet ahead of us. (((YES, even those of us with awesome intuition.)))

Collectively and personally, as old systems dissolve, we have to keep going through the fog on the road ahead. Especially when we can only see the next step or two.

The willingness to forge ahead into the fog requires the kind of heart centered courage that the woo woos have been talking about for centuries. It takes trust in our instincts and a strong ability to be present and respond. Being present isn’t just a theme for yoga class, it’s a requirement for the new paradigm.

Part 3: Roads have maps, the evolution of humanity does not

Yes. There’s a flaw in my metaphor.

We might not have a map, but we do have clues in our hearts, as if we are on a giant collective treasure hunt. Just like a treasure hunt, one person’s clue isn’t enough. We need everyone’s clue.

Each clue looks different. Some of us make art to inspire people to keep going in the fog. Others explore how will we grow food. Some help us stay connected to our hearts. Others wonder if there is a better material we could wear on our bodies. Then there’s always the guy who makes sure we keep laughing.

Each human heart when illuminated and empowered provides a clue in our treasure hunt of collective evolution.

Part 4: Whatever you do: DO NOT LOOK FOR YOUR CLUE

The weird thing is that the clues don’t come in the form of answers, they often come as questions or states of being. And they are rarely about your “job” or what you “do”, but rather what perspective you choose to hold everyday. How you show up in basic daily life, and how you relate to yourself and others.

Sitting in the burnout and resentment of the old system won’t get you anywhere. Oddly, neither will trying to figure out what your clue is.

Your clue hides in your ability to have faith in the uncertainty, and take action. It only appears when you trust it will appear. It only reveals itself when you are willing to live one or two steps at a time… I’m breathing… I have strong legs… It smells like cow shit…. you know, here and now type awareness.

I spent years trying to figure out what I was meant to be doing with my life. Frustrated that I might be pointless, I asked every expert I could find. I have seen probably 100 different intuitives, vedic astrologers, coaches and healers.

I was desperate. Dear lord would someone just hand feed me instructions for what to do with my life? PLLLUUUEEEEEAAAASSSSSEEEE?!?!?!?!

Instead, they all gave me a fleeting glimpse of my clue that quickly dissolved into the minutia of self-doubt and daily commitments.

In the depth of my own burnout and frustration, I finally slowed myself WAY down and looked at all of the readings, all of the coaches, all of the personality assessments, all of my jobs, and all the things I love the most. When I slowed myself down and really honestly looked at myself, my clue found me.

Part 5: Call me.

Will Ferrell knows.

Part of my gift is to help you find your clue. I can see weird patterns in people. I hear things they aren’t saying. Together, we find your clue. I get you aligned. I slow you down.

If you are like me and you want to know “What am I meant to be doing? How can I best serve? What am I great at?” I’m now gifting strategy sessions. Send me an email at amydeviplay at gmail and we’ll get you on my calendar.

By |February 19th, 2016|Categories: Uncategorized|Comments Off on get a clue

The 3 mistakes I made in my coaching business

1. I went for the safe desire.

Some things you desire so deeply that going for them makes you feel vulnerable, raw and exposed. What if it doesn’t happen? I will be crushed.

Other things would be cool if they worked out, but no big deal if they don’t. This is a safe desire.

My safe desire came to me about 3 years ago when I grabbed onto an idea: I was going to be a spiritual-coach-author-superstar.

Hypnotized by the newsletters and Facebooks and Instagrams that told me “make your dreams come true”, I followed the superstar idea down it’s rabbit hole. I did the successful people’s online courses, I hired coaches, designers and even stylists to help me get to superstar status. I bought the hype that if I could just get famous enough, everything would be fine.

Nearly every step down this path to spiritual-coach-author-superstar has been a little bit like walking in 6 inches of mud, in crocs. A whole lot of difficult, uncomfortable, heavy and confusing.

Isn’t that just how it is? Isn’t entrepreneurship tough? Doesn’t uncomfortable mean you are growing? Isn’t it true that all struggle leads to triumph?

Convinced I could make anything happen, I studied all the marketing techniques, and their opposites. I redid my website 4 times. I was always busy, stressed out, over-extended, and tired. I never had enough. I was always looking for the next insight, the next book, the next idea, next client.

To be clear, it wasn’t all a struggle. The truth is that I had the privilege of working with some seriously magical amazing clients.

Although there has been greatness, I would say to people that it’s like I’m on the right path, but I’m facing sideways. Some people said “maybe you are a crab, and you walk sideways.”

No, I’m not a crab, but thanks for the creative option, my orientation has been distorted.

I’ve been going for what is a good idea to want. I’ve been aiming at my mind’s intellectual version of my desire. I’ve been trying to make smart business decisions and ignoring what every cell in my body actually wants.

No wonder it felt like I was walking sideways through the mud. My body and my mind were headed in two different directions.

2. I was trying to tell life what to do.

Turns out my ego had grabbed onto spirituality. That’s a pretty normal thing, apparently. My ego adored the idea that if I kept begging the Universe enough, it would give me the things I was asking for. I did all the right manifestation techniques. Read all the books. Did all the meditations.

And I still wasn’t getting my way. That’s not to say I didn’t learn a lot, but I was still looking sideways on my path.

(This might help you see if you too have an ego that has grabbed onto spirituality… NSFW)

I got really tired and worn down. I stopped writing. I stopped creating clients. I threw tantrums and I ripped up my vision board.

Finally, I realized what was happening, my ego was dressed up in the spirituality costume and was trying to run the show.

There is a subtle difference between identifying as the creator of your world, and living life only following the impulses of the magic that lives through you, creating your world.

My true self is the silent still force of love that got all dressed up in the “I’m-so-spiritual” costume. So I unwound the tight grip my mind had on manifestation and creating my dream life.

And I started asking life what it wanted from me.

What if I stopped trying to make life go my way, and instead harmonized with what life created me for? 

3. Fast forwarding the DVD of life only causes anxiety.

I had a vision for what was possible, and I wanted to fast forward to that moment. I kept my eyes on the future, and my body was miserable.

My body can not be in the future, it can only be here, now. When my mind is not where my body is, everything is distorted.

I realized that the way I harmonize with life is by slowing down and letting my mind notice and even embrace what my body is experiencing.

Life moves slowly, egos move fast. Watch seasons change, or a flower bloom. It never goes the pace your ego wants it to. I can’t make this baby grow faster, she’s on her own soul’s pace.

Some of the ways I’m slowing down:

  • Cooking new recipes.
  • Noticing and admiring details, like the weave on my hoodie’s sleeve.
  • Doing the dishes immediately and feeling the water as I do.
  • Slowing down when I’m online and letting the information settle.
  • Sitting in meditation with no agenda.
  • Deeply listening to people, and not thinking of a response while they talk.
  • Looking at individual snow flakes.
  • Walking, eating and breathing slowly.
  • Taking my time to read a really good book.

My body can only be synced up to life’s path for me. My mind can tune into almost anything, and it changes channels very quickly. I’ve distinguished that what my mind says has very little to do with life’s path for me.

I don’t have to believe the things my mind tells me are “smart and safe”. Instead I have learned to go for the impulses that arise from the slow, silent, stillness that’s hiding within the body and under the thoughts.

For now:

I’m making a point every moment to face forward on my path. The hard part is, I can only see one or two steps ahead when I’m facing forward. Today that step is writing this blog. Then laundry.

I don’t believe in mistakes, but rather lessons. My success chase has been the most bizarre and beautiful lesson I’ve been on. Of course, it’s an absolutely perfect lesson and has taught me exactly the things I needed to understand for the next layer of my evolution… which is slowly revealing itself, two steps at a time.

My business is morphing into something that truly resonates with me and who I am and what I am great at. Stay tuned. I’m really excited and deeply grounded in this evolution.

Throughout this process, my FAVORITE part has been the soulmates and tremendous magic makers that have appeared in my life. The coaches I work with and the clients I’ve served have been absolutely divine.

I love to hear from you. Email amydeviplay at gmail.

By |January 25th, 2016|Categories: Uncategorized|Comments Off on 3 mistakes I made in my coaching business

(I’m trying a new writing technique… write while in meditation)

When I try to think of something wise and significant to say, a subtle veil of distortion comes down around my body. About two feet away from my body; a shield of tense energy. As if now that I’ve put some wisdom out there, I must defend it.

Today, writing wisdom and making a point makes me feel as if my freedom is gone, as if I’ve taken a permanent position. When I have a position, I’m no longer a part of the mystery, I’m now a representative of something. Can I be a clear vessel if I have a position?

 

For 3 years I have practiced slowing down. First I slowed down my schedule. Then I slowed down my pace. Now I’m slowing down how I relate to myself. I just noticed that if I move my fingers too fast, a whirlwind of energy starts to build and my mind tells me who cares and make a point.

When I’m slowed down, I don’t have to have a point or a purpose or a business or a blog.

I get to feel what is here and now and let it move through.

If I take a breath and let my fingers be slow, if I listen to the silence, the pressure of figuring it all out falls away. Now there is nothing to figure out. Everything is as it is. I drop deeper into that knowing. The vastness expands. I sense more subtle changes.

I want to figure out what those subtle changes mean: “is that weird pounding in my ear because I’m dehydrated? I bet it has something to do with my throat chakra.” Those thoughts are welcome, but only as subtle movements in consciousness, not as the answer to the mystery.

I bring love into the dance of thoughts, feelings, energy. I find wisdom does arise, but not in words. It’s a knowing and an anchoring into myself as my guide. From this space I know all things and nothings.

 

By |January 16th, 2016|Categories: Uncategorized|Comments Off on Can I be a clear vessel if I have a position?

Did you know Friday is named after the Nordic Goddess Freya? From Doreen Virtue’s Goddess Guidance Cards: “Earth goddess of fertility, celebration and passion, Freya rides a chariot pulled by mighty cats across the rainbow bridge connecting Heaven and Earth.”

Freya. Look at that cat. That cat will eat your face.

So if you need me, I’ll be out on the rainbow bridge with my mighty cats, celebrating.

Love.

 

By |January 15th, 2016|Categories: Uncategorized|Comments Off on FRIDAY!

contraction isn’t what you think it is

In case you missed the memo, I’m pregnant.

And I am continually surprised about the ways pregnancy is changing me and my world.

Here’s a weird one: We know about cycles of contraction and expansion. Previously, I understood this as: expansion is where you learn all this awesome stuff and life is great and you are creative. Contraction is where you hide in a shoebox and eat too much cheese.

I have always resisted the contraction part of the cycle, and to be honest the whole cycle pisses me off. If we just contract and expand and contract, how do we evolve? Something is missing. It is too black and white.

And then I started reading birth stories. And the word contraction totally changed. When literally giving birth to another human, a contraction is what actually does the birthing. It’s the contraction of the uterus that pushes the baby out.

For those of you who are not, and have not been pregnant, we could talk about muscles. When your muscles contract, they are firing, lifting, making shit happen. The contraction makes the change happen.

Or we could look at the breath. It would appear that the inhale is the expansion part: our lungs expand. And the exhale is the contraction: our lungs go in. BUT did you know that the diaphragm (why is there a G in that word?) contracts so that we can inhale? A contraction causes the expansion.

Although the lungs move inwards on the exhale, there is no actual muscle contraction… an exhale is passive. And in fact the air pressure around your body does a lot of the exhale for you.

So perhaps we need another step here: Contraction leads to expansion which allows for passive release and integration.

There’s something in between expansion and contraction: integration and rest in which your universe can help you out. Contraction isn’t about Netflix and fuck off, it’s about intensity building so that expansion can happen. After the expansion, we need the rest… let the new air move through your body and get to the cells as the old air passively vacates your body.

Take a deep breath. Thanks for joining me on this metaphor. I don’t know if I tied it up in a fancy bow or not, but I’m sick of looking at my screen, and this will have to do for today.

I love you.

 

 

By |January 14th, 2016|Categories: Uncategorized|Comments Off on contraction isn’t what you think it is

quit your hiding

Adam, in his high-fashion-dashing-good-looks and articulate-word-dancer-way, made his journey around the circle to each of the magic-makers in the room and told us “Who you are for me”.

  • He recognized K. as “divine feminine incarnate”
  • He reminded E. she is “the voice of God”
  • T. was “the best big brother I never had”
  • J. “You’re a firecracker”

It was like watching each person unwrap a precious gift that the giver had taken weeks to find. It was a wonderous adventure of discovery, laughter and joy.

When it was my turn, I remember hearing this “Amy. I’ve been trying to figure out what it is about you. And here’s the thing, there is no thing about you because you are transcendence itself. You are neither here nor there because you are the path.”

My whole body started trembling as if an invisible piece of my DNA was finally allowed to appear. A rush of electricity went both up and down my spine.

My secret superpower, that I didn’t know how to talk about, was liberated by the words of another who simply took the time to really see me.

Total. Fucking. Relief.

What a gift it is to be seen. Maybe you are like me and have spent most of your life trying to hide your superpowers because they seem weird or scary or confusing to others. When someone has the guts and skills to cut through your shit, right to your awesome, all sorts of wild change can happen in your reality.

Inspired that Adam saw one of my secret superpowers, I started to realize how much of myself I hide.

Here’s a few gems I think I’m hiding from you:

  • I was hand-selected to participate in 4PC. A Leadership Experience for the Top 4% of coaches. It’s kind of a big deal.
  • A woman who is a successful therapist of 30 years and is highly respected as an expert in her field often calls me for wisdom.
  • People invest time with me and miracles occur. Just yesterday I guided a client to upgrade her DNA. Shazam.
  • I adore this. 
  • In a normal day I talk to angels, computers, humans, water, crystals and spiders. I’m learning how to speak to cats.
  • I love cheese. I take my vitamins. I don’t always wash my dishes right away. When I binge watch, I choose The Office. I am not a muggle. I am related to Galadriel from LOTR. We have papasans instead of a couch… I hate them. I don’t understand health insurance.
  • And I’m excited that my butt is getting bigger as my pregnancy goes on!

Enough of hiding my awesome. It’s clearly not working anyway.

Have you ever made a list of the things you think you are hiding? The awesome and the not? What might happen if you let some of that out of the closet.

Thank you Adam, for your beautiful magic spell of revelation. That whole hiding thing was ready to go. Now, who you are for me. You are a beacon of hope and light. A rare gem of a man who can hold both masculine and feminine energies as all humans were designed to do.

May you be blessed.

By |January 13th, 2016|Categories: Uncategorized|Comments Off on quit your hiding

“There is no difference between faking confidence and having confidence.”

– Jerry Seinfeld while talking with Steve Martin about the early days of his comedy. It turns out Martin was often “faking” his confidence on stage. Here’s a video… note the way he just struts out and let’s us have it.

I started writing today’s blog over an hour ago. I have written and deleted it 3 or 4 times. One version of it was a personal journey of my own confidence faking in the last year, but then I realized I wrote that shit already. Another version was a review of the show “Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee”. I wrote about how I read 4 kinds of books: Spiritual, Business, Comedy and Harry Potter. I wrote a brief but intense angry letter to my cats who have gone in and out 14 times in 48 minutes. Why are cats always on the wrong side of the door? This I may publish.

Then I stopped writing and deleting and danced along to King Tut. My inner weirdo freed by Martin, I remembered why I am writing these blogs. They are for me, and though I might have an audience (YOU RULE), the point isn’t for me to pander to what I think this mysterious audience might want. The reason I’m writing is to let my inner stillness that so much wants to express have a form. I’m not writing for followers, I’m writing to follow my heart.

So here’s today’s blog. I don’t love it, but it’s up. I kept my commitment to myself. And THAT is the difference between FAKING confidence and building confidence. You build confidence not because 7000 people cheer when you sing King Tut. You build confidence because you say “I’m going to go on stage and be a total idiot, because I said I would.”

The end.

PS. Next time you are folding a mountain of laundry: Put these on.
Jim Carrey “Orange Juice Pulp is an illusion”
Steve Martin “There is no difference between faking confidence and having confidence”
Barack Obama “One brand of underwear. One color.” 

By |January 12th, 2016|Categories: evolution, writing|Comments Off on there is no difference between faking confidence and having confidence

Write. Every. Day.

I stopped writing for a while, for multiple reasons. Mostly, I had lost my gumption. My spirit to express was in need of replenishing and so I went internal and let my process be my own.

In the last few months, I have realized I miss the way my fingers dance out the expression of my heart.

As I venture into this new year, I want to recover this form of expression again. I’m aiming to write one blog everyday this week.

The view from my writing desk.

The view from my writing desk.

We all know it is a new year. And there is all this pressure to start over, to refresh and to make a new habit pattern. My first response to societal pressures is always to question them, and then find a subtle and legal way to rebel.

So this year, I set one intention and it is just for January: “Only 10s”.

A principle introduced to me by Rich Litvin and taken further by Mark Silverman in his book “Only 10s”, the idea is that you follow the impulses from your heart and do only the things that truly light you up and inspire you. (If this idea intrigues you, grab a copy of the book.) Usually this is the non-sensical, magical, impossible type stuff.

But how? We all have to do shit we hate. Or do we? Sure you might not like going to the post office, but do you like being the kind of sister that sends her younger sibling gifts? Slow down your to-do lists and figure out your motivators, there’s a wealth of wisdom if you can slow your world down a bit.

In the last few weeks, I’ve been doing a lot of slow, deep meditation and have been paying attention to the subtle energies. Pushing, forcing and trying to make things happen makes my skin crawl and my energy leave my body. It’s almost as if I have no choice but to live 10s only. Only the HELL YES impulses get any action in my world.

Today, writing is a 10. PS. A shout-out to Emily for polishing up my website.

By |January 11th, 2016|Categories: be you|Comments Off on Write. Every. Day.

How to Soothe an Overstimulated Nervous System

Is it just me, or are you a totally different person in the morning than you were the night before? It’s like the night Amy and the morning Amy have never even thought to meet up. Maybe this is why it’s good to stay up all night once in a while.

About a year ago, morning Amy forgot she was an artist. She got really focused on business and making money and manifesting and coaching. As a result, most of my days were oriented around doing and achieving.

Days would go by and I would excuse the fact that I hadn’t been writing: I’m busy, I’m tired, everything I have to say has already been said, the internet is full of blogs, I’d rather be outside, I’d rather be at yoga, what’s in the fridge, what’s on facebook, is there a yoga class soon, where’s my cat?

Then one morning, something happened to morning Amy.

I was on my way home from teaching 6:30am yoga, and I noticed it felt like my nervous system was a bunch of frayed wires pointed out at the world. The sensation is similar to hovering your entire body over a giant electrical fence, all day. I also realized that I feel that way most of the time.

Typically, when I am in this feeling, I’m also caught in a loop unconsciously looking for something to make me feel relief. Usually that includes unconsciously checking my phone, iPad, computer, phone, iPad, computer, etc. That one email, or FB post, will make me feel better. I know it.

Today two awesome things happened. The frayed wire sensation went from something I was not aware of, to something I was aware of. AND I thought, what if I don’t push it away?

What if I invite it to stay? What if I even invite it to come into the brilliance of my heart and settle into the divinity at my core? What if the agitated nervous system isn’t a problem to fix, but rather is a part of me that is just requesting my own divine love?

OH. MY. GOD.

In that moment, when I actually let myself feel the weird fray of my nervous system, and let myself relax into the sensation, everything changed. Suddenly, I was so much more aware of myself. The previously overly-exerted-externally-oriented nerves reoriented into my body. Just like that, I was no longer searching for something to make me feel better.

Realizing that there is another way, has opened up all of these layers of myself that were forgotten. The writer is back. I no longer believe every thought. I don’t give a fuck about my phone. And also, I have a greater capacity to connect to the people in front of me. FOMO, gone. I’m content with my entire human experience.

Perhaps you have some version of this.

And the thing is, if you can LOVE your tough parts… well then there’s more love in the world. And that to me is a win for everyone. More love.

By |November 11th, 2015|Categories: Uncategorized|Comments Off on How to Soothe an Overstimulated Nervous System

“I see you.

You view the world a little differently than the average muggle. You have strange superpowers, like the ability to sense when someone is going to sneeze before they do. Or you know when someone is going to call you. Or you can talk to spiders.

You are a misfit, and you are magical.

You feel deeply. You know that stuff is happening and changing right now on Earth. You are invigorated and confused. Excited and wondering “am I doing this right?”

You love people. You hate people. You cry, a lot. You give give give. You have a deep well of wisdom and talent just aching to pour out of you.

I see you.

I’m here for you. I’m on your team. I’m the Alfred to your Batman. The J.A.R.V.I.S. to your Ironman. The Galadriel to your Gandalf. I’m the Hermione to your Harry Potter.

I’m creating a team of super misfits who are ready to stir the pot and make some changes. It’s time to drop the excuses and grab your wands. Put on your superhero gear, cause you are about to rock the world.”

I posted that on Facebook and sent it to my tribe a couple of weeks ago. In the moment it was so true and so fun and just awesome. A lot of people “liked it” and that was about it.

Then a member of my superhero tribe (I’m part of a mastermind of the top 4% of coaches), said “Excuse me… You are not a number 2, you are a leader. Stop trying to be someone’s number 2, be the powerful leader you are.”

“Shit, she’s right”, was my response. I was left confused and stunned in the best possible way. This is why I’m part of my superhero tribe, they don’t let me play small. They don’t let me half ass it. They don’t let me fall to the sidelines.

So if I am a leader, what am I leading? Well the first thing that pops into my head is a revolution… a love revolution.

In this revolution, there aren’t really leaders and followers in the sense that we are used to. No one is in charge, but rather, there are thousands of us willing to be at the forefront of this wave.

Here’s the thing, we have a lot of shit tangled around the word “love”. In order to be in the revolution, you’ve got to drop the shit.

  • Preference: Oh my god Amy I LOVE those shoes.
  • Promotion: I LOVED that movie, go see it!
  • Reward: I LOVE that you washed the dishes.
  • Neediness: Do you LOVE me?
  • Manipulation: I’d LOVE it if you would take the trash out.
  • Agreement: I LOVE how you talk about politics.
  • Approval: I LOVE the way you redecorated your kitchen.

Sometimes we say “I love you” to end an argument. We say “I love you” to feel significant when they give the obligatory “I love you too” back to us. We say “I love you” and we mean give me space. “I love you” when we mean this isn’t working.

In order to be in this love revolution, you have to drop all that shit, and come back to the truth that love is the reality of who you are.

The reality of love is deep and wordless. The love I’m interested in exploring is the love that created this universe. The love that is gravity itself.

Love is the word I’m using to explain the mysterious forces in the universe. And here’s the thing, when you know love, the universe is no longer a mystery.

Despite some of the best inspirational meme’s on the internet, love has no opposite because love exists in all things. Fear isn’t love’s opposite, fear is a request for love. Hate is a request for love. Arguments… request for love. Depression, drug addiction, too much sugar, all requests for more love.

I can disagree with something and still experience love. I can love the thing I disagree with, and more importantly I can love the part of me that thinks it’s important to disagree with things.

Leading in love means being willing to BE LOVE, always, all ways. When I get on the phone with my clients, we dive into love. We step powerfully into our hearts, and charge ourselves up. We go through layers of subtle information so that we can step out into the world as leaders in love.

So yes, I’m on your team, because we are both leaders. Together, we make shit happen. You in? 

Bonus: check out my friend Matt Kahn.

By |March 12th, 2015|Categories: evolution, spirituality|Tags: , , , , |Comments Off on i see you

Dear Yoga,

When we first met, you were my sanctuary. You were the place where I was safe; where I was held and encouraged to grow and stretch. Somewhere along the way, you became my everything, and then you crushed my dreams and shattered my heart.

In the beginning, yoga teachers were my heroes. They had some kind of magic that was making me whole. I figured if it feels this good to be a yoga student, it must be so much better to be a teacher.

So, naturally, I signed up for yoga teacher training. And it was immediately clear that I was going to be good at teaching.

6 months after YTT graduation, I was hired at the studio that had become my home, where I mattered and where people knew me. One class lead to another and before I knew it I was teaching 15 classes a week, leading programs and teacher trainings. I was even a founding team member for one of the world’s best yoga festivals.

As the student, who I am was enough.

As the teacher, I suddenly had all this pressure to be liked, to fit the model and to serve up a hot dish of my own heart wrapped in the package of a highly physical asana practice. It started to wear me down.

As the student I heard: “Rotate your inner thigh to the sky. Awesome chaturanga Amy. Inflate your upper back. You are doing great.”

As the teacher I heard: “You are so aloof, connect more. Touch people. Go slower. Talk more about yourself. Yoga isn’t about the teacher. You give too much information. You should have a website. Give your students gifts. Get your numbers up. Don’t worry about numbers. Invite people back to your class. Thanks that was great. Be you, but not too you. Have an incredible sequence and a life changing play list. And finish on time. And make sure that everyone pays at the desk. And don’t leave the room smelly. And say good bye to all of your students. Oh and don’t eat meat or sugar or drugs. Drink green smoothies, but not too many. Send a newsletter. Have a blog. Get photos taken. Be a brand.”

Those few years where I worked my ass off, I made around just enough money to squeak by. It’s okay though because you make a lot of karma dollars when you teach yoga.

FUCK THAT.

Yoga started to look like a road to nowhere that was paved in shit. What was once my sanctuary, was now a draining pile of disappointment.

So I put my yoga talents to the side and started putting a business together for myself. I wrote blogs about everything but yoga, because who needs another blog about yoga? Hasn’t it all been said?

But as much as I pulled away, yoga won’t leave me alone. I try to hide from it, and it keeps coming back to me.

Ok yoga, you sly little minx, what do you want from me?

Well, first step is re-establishing our love affair. I’m sorry I had forgotten how beautiful a practice you are. I’m sorry I got swept into your illusions and dramas.

Thank you for providing a perfect mirror for my own growth. Thank you for the incredible community, thank you for the opportunity to lead, and thank you for giving me something to care about so deeply.

I do love you, but shit you are a demanding lover.

By writing and publishing this blog, I’m calling myself forward to look at yoga with new eyes. Not as student or teacher or business owner, but as an active participant in humanity’s universal evolution.

I’m done complaining about the pay, or the mismatched weirdness of yoga as a product. I’m done debating about the value of one training over another, one posture over another, one studio over another.

I want a new conversations, so I’m asking new questions.

When I say “ok yoga, what are you doing for humanity? What impact are you making?” That’s when I start to get really excited.

If 30 people show up to my class, and they got sweaty and a little boost of serotonin, I failed. If 30 people show up to my class and they remember who they are and they know how to sustain that knowing as they go out into the world, then we are getting somewhere.

As I look at yoga through new eyes, new questions start to form. I invite you yogis to sit with these and marinate in them:

  • Where do you see yoga in 100 years?
  • If yoga is an intelligent and beautiful system that wasn’t invented, but rather uncovered… why has that system come to the west?
  • And why is that system so popular amongst white affluent women?
  • Why is it that yoga is so focused on physicality in the west?
  • Instead of how is capitalism ruining yoga, what is yoga teaching capitalism?
  • How do you feel when you teach or practice? Do you know how to feel that way all the time?
  • What exactly are you teaching? And don’t say a pose… tell me how YOU are teaching something that only YOU can teach.

And the thing is, the questions I’m asking are not going to be answered by the Sutras or the Bhagavad Gita or even by the Hatha Yoga Pradipika. These questions aren’t meant to be answered. They are meant to alter what our priorities are.

There is a ripeness in yoga right now. It’s asking for a shift, as is humanity. Yoga is a tool that teaches me how to be me. If I just use that tool on my mat, I’m a mess. If I learn how to LIVE YOGA ALL THE TIME… Well isn’t that a fun idea.

In conclusion, yoga, you crazy love muffin. I’m on board, but as a revolutionary. I won’t maintain your status quo, I will push your edges, expand your possibilities and rock your world.

I love you and all is well,

Amy

By |March 12th, 2015|Categories: Uncategorized|Comments Off on dear yoga

bring a friend beyond the veil

Last Sunday night, I went to my friend Isabelle Tierney’s house for dinner. As usual, our conversation was a fascinating recitation of the personal experiences we’ve had illustrating the veil is lifting, synchronicity is ruling, and the age of suffering and contrast has faded.

We then sat down for a meditation. For the past 3 or 4 years, she and I have been journeying through the subtle realms together. Typically, we sit down, close our eyes, and watch the inner realms start to speak to us. We are shown angels, galaxies, bone structure, DNA, love, relationships, song lyrics, strange words, dreams, possible futures, reframes of the past, portals, deities…

All the while we speak aloud what we are seeing.

Turning the journey into a conversation changes everything. Each revelation leads to another and suddenly the layers of synchronicity get freaky and wonderful. And they get more powerful. Together we amplify the experience.

Sunday’s meditation was by far one of the most phenomenal and delightfully layered adventures we have ever had.

I have yet to figure out how to put this type of experience into words… We were shown the connections between sexuality and the balancing of the masculine and feminine energies on Earth. We were shown the magic that is available to all humans (magic in the sense of Harry Potter, not Burt Wonderstone.) We had visceral experiences of our brains and wombs being upgraded. We were invited to surrender more into a state of receptivity. We were shown the potency and power of the subtle realms.

We take these journeys without substances, and it is the culmination of our combined years of energy healing and meditation that allow us to open this realm so easily.

The cool thing is that as Isabelle and I (and others like us) dive into these realms, we are thinning the veil for all. Interestingly, it seems that there is an urgent call for more and more humans to adventure in this way.

If the mystery had a FB ad it would probably say something like:
ISO: Humans who are willing to dive into the silence and weed through the old to create a vast and full connection to their intuition. 

It is clear from my experiences with friends and clients that the time of the guru has passed. We each have access to the greatest truths simply by slowing down and having the courage to look through the invisible. And sometimes we need each other to show us a trail, a map or a direction to head.

To me, these journeys are a system of metaphorical and sometimes literal guide posts for how to translate the subtle into the physical. They are school for life. Mostly they are a playground for my intuition to flourish and my awareness to expand to realms of great mystery and wonder. I always come out of the experience with a greater knowing of who I am and why I am alive now.

I am just realizing that I am one of the rare birds who was trained in the subtle realms from a young age. I never shared my random skills, because I thought that everyone knew them, the same way we all know how to shampoo our hair and boil water.

I’m sorry I made an assumption that kept my gifts hidden. Let’s get our gifts out people. Show them to our friends and find out if they want to share! No more hiding behind shut doors, open up about your weird magical knowings. Not to teach anyone but rather to amplify and collaborate. MORE LOVE!

Let me know if you want to come to the playground with me sometime. I love to dive into the unknown, the realm of potential and surf the possibilities.

I love you. All is well.

By |February 7th, 2015|Categories: spirituality|Tags: , , , |4 Comments

For over a year, I was dedicated to writing a weekly blog. And in that year, I would basically take what I was learning and experiencing, and scale it down into something that was tangible, practical and readable for almost anyone.

I wrote to practice writing. I wrote to practice being vulnerable. I wrote because I was supposed to. I wrote because you liked it.

You may have noticed that for the past few months, I haven’t been posting. I’m exhausted from taking my version of reality and condensing it into some sort of digestible concept. I’ve been condensing my experiences so much, that now I feel bizarrely misunderstood and mildly frustrated.

During the past few months, I would start writing a blog that had more of me in it, less concept, more revelation, and immediately the skilled critic in my head would chime in.

Usually the critic had a scenario in which some jerk named Phil the Real Estate Guy would end up reading the blog. Inevitably, Phil would pick some stupid fact in my writing that was not researched and we would end up in an epic comment battle.

Knowing that this was coming, I figured I might as well find a way to defend and prove myself before he gets there.

Sucked down a rabbit hole of defensive confusion, I would forget entirely what I was inspired to communicate and I find myself on Facebook, or looking in the fridge, or actively avoiding the sink full of dishes.

What started as a beautiful experience, would quickly become a confusing vulnerability hangover. Hiding under that mess somewhere is a new understanding that doesn’t seem to speak English.

It’s never really been about the critic or the comment battle, the truth is that I can’t keep writing in the old language, and the new one is still forming.

Currently, I’m tangled somewhere between my future and my past. And a knowing that neither the future or the past have anything to do with it. I’m suspended somewhere between what I’ve been doing, what they say I should be doing, and what I actually want to be doing.

I am humbled by how many people I have served with my writing. I am humbled by the practice of writing. I am awed by how difficult and fun it has been.

So I’m sorry if you have been missing my writing. I’m no longer willing to scale my experiences down for Louisa the French Chef, and yet, I’m also unsure how to write in my new language.

I haven’t forgotten about you. I’m just a different me. I’m honored to have an audience, and I know my life is about expression. We shall see if the form changes.

In the meantime, thank you for being with me.

By |January 26th, 2015|Categories: Uncategorized|Comments Off on miss me?

This morning I did something weird, I asked December this question:
WHAT THE F*^K MAN?

The answer came in the form of this post…

For most of this month, I have felt some form of weird, tired, disembodied, freaked out, abundant, depressed, exuberant, mortified, horrified, jubilated, invigorated, ashamed, sick as a dog, afraid, devoted, demoted, provoked, hopeful, disappointed and just plain madly in love with life. Sometimes all that in one day.

I’ve tried multiple remedies including movies, ice cream, meditating, writing, yoga, family, friends, baths, homeopathy, herbs, foods, massages, reiki, teas, reading. And in the end, the only thing that works is to feel what I feel. Just feel.

Here’s why I’m sharing… throughout it all, underlying the roller coaster of emotional and physical sensation, I have felt held by a higher purpose.

As confusing as this has been, it feels like a second round of puberty, condensed into one month. A necessary, and undeniably awkward, right of passage into the next layer of who I am. Who you are. Who we are.

Humanity is changing.

How do I know? The same way I know I have feet when my eyes are closed. I feel, I know.

My soul, my body, my purpose is to light the way as an active participant in this new dance of consciousness.

The difference between the evolution of consciousness and puberty is there aren’t any pamphlets for what we are going through now. Perhaps I’ll make one, put it on Pinterest.

Being a trailblazer, a game changer, a heart opener, a shell shaker, is a tough job. But it might be the best job in the universe. I’m pretty sure the job instructions are: surrender into the arms of the intelligence that beats my heart.

I’d love to hear from you. Happy New Year! Merry Christmas! Happy Growing. Yay Evolution. Keep Going. You are doing great. I love you. Oh my god you look amazing today. Fantastic shoes!

Love,
Amy

By |December 30th, 2014|Categories: evolution, spirituality|3 Comments

what’s so hard about asking?

I ask a lot of questions. That’s what coaches do. However there is one area I haven’t been bold enough to ask in: Receiving. As in asking others to give to me.

I realized last night that I rarely ask for anything from anyone. Primarily because I don’t like feeling like I’m the source of someone’s problems. Secondarily because I hate it when I get rejected.

Of all the big fears running my show, the biggest fear is that my existence is somehow ruining everything. To compensate for this fear, I do two things: I sub-consciously find ways to help lots of people, and I keep my closest relationships at an arm’s length.

Typically, when I meet an edge, I self-coach, read a lot of books, watch a few Ted-talks, go to a yoga class and then I find someone to serve.

I give a lot. And I’ve been creating more boundaries around giving. But receiving, that’s another story.

They say there is a law of reciprocity, what is given must be returned. But the thing is, I don’t know if I have shown a way for the Universe to give back to me… or if I have even asked the Universe to give to me…

Actually, I did ask to receive. It was in meditation once or twice a few months ago… that counts right?

And don’t get me wrong, I have received huge amounts of wonderful awesomeness in my life, but there is something so raw and vulnerable about asking, that I have to do it.

So in a gesture of surrender and listening to the clues from the Universe, I’m asking: Can I let you pay me for my writing?

Have I served you and you’d like to give back?

Am I distorting our relationship because I’m unable to receive from you?

Is my “do it myself” attitude blocking the law of reciprocity?

So I’m adding a paypal button to my website that could allow for me to engage with my community in a new way. Not only am I giving value, but I’m also receiving it.

A part of me says “I might as well stand on the corner of Canyon and Broadway in Boulder, panhandling in real life. And I don’t really need money. And People will think I’m a loser if I do this.”

And another part of me laughs because Amy rhymes with Pay Me. I mean there’s gotta be a charming limerick in there.

Another part of me sounds a lot like my coach with a charming British accent: Afraid to ask, do it anyway. Afraid to feel this vulnerable and exposed, do it anyway. Afraid of what they might say, do it anyway. Afraid that you’ll get nothing, do it anyway. Afraid that you’re doing it wrong, do it anyway.

And damn am I afraid to hit the post button on this one, and I did it anyway.

Your generous reciprocity is welcome here. With one caveat: if you give here, I challenge you to ASK for something YOU want or need… from anyone in your life. Let’s see what happens. 


By |December 5th, 2014|Categories: evolution|Tags: , , , |Comments Off on what’s so hard about asking?

Dear Funk

I see you. I hear you. I feel you. And I’m going to write anyway.

I hear your request to stay in bed all day. I hear your charming Eeyore voice say why bother washing the dishes or the clothes or my hair. I hear you saying just coffee and cheese is all I need. I see you wanting to point fingers at everyone.

I’m going to get up anyway, I’m going to wash the dishes and even my hair. I’m going to eat vegetables and even some protein.

And I’m going to love you, funk, while I do it.

I feel you show up when I sit down to write. I hear you worrying about who wants to read this garbage? And I hear your fear that this will “ruin my image”. I feel you trying to make me write about anything but you.

My lovely little funk, you don’t have to go away, you are not going to kill me. You are not my enemy. You are not the opposite of me. You are a part of my humanness.

Having you reminds me that I am growing, my comfort zone is expanding and my world is collapsing.

I asked for a new life, new adventures, new business… of course the old way has to die. Thank you funk, for reminding me that I’m doing it right. Thank you for showing me that all the work I’ve done in 2014 IS working.

I’m still going to go to yoga, and you can come too. If you want, I’ll even cry the whole time.

You don’t have to hide when someone talks to me. I will speak honestly about you if I need to. You are welcome, because you funk are a blip of brilliance in the divine dance of human life.

I know one day you won’t be with me, and I may not even notice. And so while you are here, I want you to know I love you too.

Even though I love you, I’m not going to feed you. I hear your requests and your quirks, but I’m going to let wisdom guide my life. I’m not going to feed you with stories from my past, and reasons for your existence, and tools to fix you, and arguments with my partner. I see you, I feel you, I acknowledge you are here.

And I’m going to write anyway.

Somehow, funk, you have taught me a deeper layer of love. I love you, thank you.

Amy

By |December 4th, 2014|Categories: Uncategorized|Comments Off on Dear Funk

How is the technology of yoga assisting in the evolution of human consciousness?

I ask this every day. And then I ask “what part do I play in it all?”.

Because I’m asking these questions, a vision is starting to form. Part of that vision is a collective up-leveling of teachers. I invite you to read through this post and sit with the perspectives and questions. Don’t look for answers, just let the questions open you up to possibility.

Talk your Walk

We are all familiar with the adage “walk your talk” which means that if you talk a lot about ahimsa (non-violence), you should also act in non-violent ways. When you are walking your talk, you are letting the concept teach you how to behave. The talk informs the walk.
Talk your walk, on the other hand, means you honestly speak about your human experience. In this version, the experience teaches you what to speak about. The walk informs the talk. This is an advanced practice as it requires a high level of self awareness and a willingness to be vulnerable. Your life experience and how you BE is much more of a message than the concepts you post and the words that come out of your mouth.

What areas of your life are you not really being vulnerable? Where do you feel more comfortable with conceptual learning instead of experiential?

Harness Popularity for Transformation
Teachers, stop worrying about the numbers and start focusing on how your message serves the whole universe. Not in a pressurized way, but in a way that calls forward your greatness. Instead of getting caught in the orgasmic high of forty pairs of ears and eyes on you, ask WHY you have forty pairs of eyes on you. The answer isn’t “because it’s 5:30pm and I have sexy abs”, the answer is going to come from your wisdom.

Is your message on your website, or is your message in your cells? What are you REALLY teaching? What are you REALLY learning?

You are a Human, Not an Image
I live in Boulder, CO where you could throw a shoe and hit a yoga teacher. We are blessed to have an abundance of yogis, and highly talented ones at that. Because of this, there are a lot of images being held up. I had a fellow yoga teacher tell me he won’t go to a public class because he feels obligated to do handstands if he does. Another teacher told me that she was considering a local teacher training, but decided not to do it because she might expose some parts of self. Last time I checked, there isn’t yoga paparazzi. Just because you did a yoga teacher training or two does not mean you do not have problems. In fact, you probably have more problems now than you did when you were just a yoga student. Mostly because you are making up all this crap about being a big deal. Just be you. When you are angry, love your anger. When you are happy, love your happy. When you are tired, go to sleep. You aren’t alone, it’s okay to talk to each other. We are not competing, we are collaborating. Let’s drop the self-serving image maintenance and remember that YOGA is bigger than selfies.

What stories about how yoga teachers should be are you attempting to live into? How is this story about “yoga teacher” serving your growth? How is this story about “yoga teacher” hindering your growth? 

Take Responsibility for Your Feelings
I stopped reading yoga blogs for a while. I was ill from all the crap about what is “wrong” with yoga and I couldn’t read another intellectualized complaint. The fact is yoga is diversifying. Diversity is not a threat, it’s actually part of the point of life here on Earth. No more blaming trends, companies and types of yoga for your feelings. Own your feelings, take back your power. Feelings are allowed here on Earth. Isn’t that what we teach?

Instead of getting your Iyengar panties in a bunch around what you think is “wrong with yoga” can you take action? If you have an issue with commercialism or heated yoga or men wearing tights, that issue is your teacher. What button is being triggered in you? How can you dive deeper into the practice of love? 

Know What it Means to Be a Leader
Having thousands of followers is fruitless if the followers are dependent on you. Creating thousands of other leaders is much more powerful than having a flock. Empower your students to ask questions by presenting them with things worth questioning. Instead of just saying “come chat after class”, give them a specific subject, ask a question, or offer a challenge.

Let’s up-level our questions, not because we want answers, but because questions open us up. 

By |November 19th, 2014|Categories: Uncategorized, yoga|Tags: , , , |Comments Off on how to up-level your yoga teaching

what i don’t want you to know: environment edition

I saw Interstellar this week. Which I highly recommend you see. Whether the science is right or the acting is bad isn’t what matters, what matters is that hopefully it will stir some questions in you.

Here’s the premise of the movie, Earth has run out of food except corn. Humanity is slowing dying off. And we have to go to space to find a new habitat.

I LOVED the questions this movie posed about human evolution, higher dimensions and love.

What I hated was the idea that we could let our planet get to a state that was that bad.

The reality is that many Americans have put their own comfort above everything else. We have excessively comfortable lives, and in order to make a change on Earth we will have to get a little uncomfortable. We can do it the way we want, or we can do it the way Earth wants.

Earth might be a little more dramatic about it.

The only reason intelligent Americans are still making bad choices is because of unresolved feelings. So instead of being another blog about “how to be a little more environmentally friendly” I want you to look at the feelings behind the habits you know you could do better. I’ll start.

1. I use plastic water bottles.
I refuse to drink tap water. I’m that sensitive and that snobby. I have local spring water delivered to my house, and I fill up my water bottle when I leave the house. But if I’m out for a long period of time, I’d much rather buy a bottle of spring water than refill my bottle with tap water. I’m very specific to only buy local spring water, and 99.9% of the time I recycle the bottle. Ultimately this is about not planning ahead. I could easily fill two reusable bottles. Often when I am getting ready to leave I’m distracted, probably by the interwebs. Instead I could slow down and add water to my list of out the door activities. To change, I have to get off the distraction cycle and focus on what are my priorities.

2. I use one to go coffee cup nearly everyday.
This one is pure laziness. I don’t have a dishwasher. And when I do use my own to go mug, I often forget to bring it into the house at the end of the day to wash it. I’m ashamed to share this and I’m worried that a bunch of people will comment and tell me I’m a jerk. This one has to do with planning also. Cups and waterbottles. AND SPOONS AND FORKS. Ok. I’ll do it.

3. I don’t know how to grow my own food. 
I’d really like to be able to grow my own food, but I’m ashamed because I don’t know how. I don’t want to have to deal with the possibility of being judged if I ask people I know for help. I’d rather just go to the organic grocery store and buy what I need and get out of there without anyone judging me. I also feel like don’t have time, or space for that. I’m afraid if I try I’ll fail.

I could tell you the things I do to take care of the Earth, but that’s not what this post is about.

The point is the only way we will make a change is if we are willing to be uncomfortable and vulnerable. If we are willing to admit our faults and take responsibility for our feelings and our actions, maybe we will actually make a change. I’m not interested in a debate about climate change, I’m interested in talking about responsibility, connection and honesty. Let’s take comfort off of our list of values and replace it with connection.

The way you act, the choices you make effect every living being on Earth, now and in the future. 

I believe in humanity. I know we can get over our convenience disease. I know we can transmute our pain into possibility. The possibility lives in you. What are you doing that doesn’t serve a healthy eco-system? Why are you doing it? How does it make you feel to face change?

Instead of debating whether or not the climate is changing, let’s talk about how we can reconnect to our roots. I’d prefer to reconnect by choice, not by the forces of nature. This is still in our hands but we have to act now.

I’m willing to do better and be uncomfortable. I’m extremely uncomfortable with this, but I will stop using plastic water bottles. Fuck. And no more coffee cups.

And who wants to learn to garden with me?

By |November 14th, 2014|Categories: Uncategorized|7 Comments

Remember the book “Are You My Mother?” Where the little bird wanders around looking for her mother?
Everyone is like that little bird sometimes. We wander around hoping the next person, email, Facebook post, Youtube video, snack, yoga class, will be the answer to our problems. So we scatter our energy and search and seek and get temporary results.
The teachers say Love Yourself. Which is true, but often confusing and pressurizing. What if loving yourself is simply expanding the love that is already in you?
This morning, I recorded this meditation for a client. Then I realized why not share with my digital community?
So here it is, a guided meditation to remind you where love lives.
Enjoy!

By |November 10th, 2014|Categories: be you|Tags: , |Comments Off on the source of love is already within you

yoga is selfish

I’ve heard a lot of opinions about yoga. Most of them I laugh off. But when Ben, a man who doesn’t practice, said “Yoga is selfish,” something was triggered in me.

I could have easily argued with him that yoga can save the world. I could have told him how all of the world’s issues are about one thing: humans are hypnotized into separation. And I could tell him that yoga connects us to ourselves, each other and the world. Anyone who has google can tell you yoga means “union”…

But instead I chose to examine why this opinion in particular set me off.

What truth in ‘yoga is selfish’ am I unwilling to face? 

I’m afraid that yoga doesn’t really work. I’ve seen a lot of shitty yoga drama. All the way from students to the people running the yoga businesses, I have seen some ugly and shockingly misaligned behaviors.

I’m afraid that this random comment from Ben, was true and all of my efforts, my community, the people I’ve trusted and looked up to, are all a cosmic joke.

So I dove deeper, what do I know works? 

Yoga, the way we are practicing it now, is oriented mostly towards a practice of connecting to our bodies. To me, this works because our bodies are made by the same wisdom that created the sun, the galaxy and the universe. If we go into our bodies with our awareness, we are bound to discover the wisdom of creation.

Conceptually, you probably understand this. But a concept won’t be enough. We can’t just walk around talking about this wisdom, we have to access the wisdom and let it walk us.

Access to this wisdom is through the sensations, all of them. We all know wisdom lives in joy and peace and enthusiasm, but wisdom also lives in feeling the residues of trauma, feeling the pain of separation, feeling the guilt. We have to face our demons, not just get on our mats and hope we will “sweat them out”.

Is yoga really working?

The thing is, many “yogis” are unable to dive through the pain and alchemize it into wisdom. Many of us have conceptually accepted we are divine beings, but less of us have actually been willing to dig down to where that truth lives in our bodies.

Why are we so quick to throw a yoga cliche up and avoid the deep stuff? We could point fingers at the system, the teachers, the magazines, the money. Or we could take personal responsibility.

We have to be willing to undergo the discomfort of transformation INSIDE of ourselves.

Pointing fingers is a shitty behavior, so I have to reveal where I see this in myself. I LOVE the spiritual story that “only what is here and now exists”. This allows me to not believe children are starving in Africa, that’s just an illusion. I’m not dismissing the wisdom of here and now, I’m admitting that I was using it as a spiritual band-aid to avoid pain.

Two weeks ago, that band-aid was ripped off. I was attending an event about Leadership and presented the opportunity to make a donation to the Unstoppable Foundation, a non profit that builds schools in impoverished areas in Africa.

When I went to the Leadership event, I didn’t know I was going to be asked for money. As the opportunity to give was presented, I felt all sorts of extremely painful sensations move through me. I was mad, I felt tricked, pressured, disgusted, guilty, shame, deep sorrow.

Pretty much all the stuff I was sweeping away with the “illusion” story.

My throat tightened, my chest was on fire, my ears were steaming, my entire body was enraged. I could have easily walked away from those emotions and taken the easy path “This is my body saying no”.

However, instead of throwing another spiritual band-aid onto the experience, I chose to sit and feel. That’s when I realized those intense sensations were my comfort zone screaming out at me. I had reached an edge, and by moving through that edge and donating with intention, I transformed myself, and made a contribution to a powerful organization.

In order to stop pointing fingers and start taking responsibility, we have to ask ourselves some tough questions:

What are your spiritual band-aids? What are you unwilling to look at in the world? What does that show you about yourself? What part of you is in charge of the choices you make?

If we yogi’s stopped worrying about how many people were in Peter’s class, and instead asked: what impact am I making on the people in front of me that will shift the global consciousness? How is teaching and practicing warrior 2 going to help with this pivotal moment in human evolution?

If my life, not my words, is my message, what is that message?

So maybe Ben was right, yoga is selfish. Maybe yoga is another band-aid. Or maybe, yoga is the perfect tool to take us through the edges of discomfort and into the land of transformation.

I love you. Thank you for reading.

Amy

By |November 6th, 2014|Categories: yoga|Tags: , , , , |2 Comments

the power of the unknown

Confession: I’ve been a manic manifestor. I’ve been putting tons of forced effort into creating a reasonable and profitable version of something that resembles my soul’s desires. Yeah, I’m so sure that’s what my soul came to Earth to do. Be reasonable and make a profit. Yeah, how’s that working out for you Amy?

Since you asked, it’s like I’m walking around with a layer of static electricity instead of skin. Like there is always something I should be doing, someone I should be talking to, something I should be saying. My bones are exhausted.

When I went to Europe, my hope was that I would return with a great project and really solid knowing about who I am and what I could do that would best serve humanity. Yes, that did happen. But of course, not in the way I was expecting.

Although an idea did come through while I was in Europe, I’ve actually been given something much more important: the relief that I’m not that big of a deal. Yes, I’m beautiful, unique and divine, and I don’t have to do anything about it. Because of this, years of tension have fallen off of my body and I’m allowing myself to actually be who I am.

So for now my practice and service is actively choosing the things that light up my soul, even if they don’t make sense. When I say “light up my soul”, it means that my body feels the perfect combination of expansive, excited and relaxed.

So, if I stop trying to be the next Marianne Williamson, what do I do instead?

I surrender to the unknown.

And here is what the unknown has made known: we need to remember our connection, to ourselves, our spirit and each other. And we need a new form of leader. Leaders who are not driven by profit and reason.

Perhaps you will join me in what could be new form of “spiritual leadership”: People who normalize spirituality/connection. People who are leading their “normal” lives actively aligned with their souls. In other words, people who have the courage to put down the drama and comfort of separation.

What would happen if I drop the story that says “I’m so spiritual” and was psyched about being human?

What if instead of living in the world, we all started to live for the world?

Maybe this new generation of “spiritual leader” doesn’t have a “spiritual business”. They don’t give lectures, or teach yoga classes.

Maybe this new spiritual leader simply and courageously lives knowing we are all divine; and not just when we are on a retreat meditating.

What if when we are out in the world, we act in a way honors everyone as OUR teacher. Instead of saying “I could really teach them something” what if you realize they are teaching you?

Let’s celebrate the subtle miracles happening in every moment and share our most vulnerable selves in a relevant way.

Maybe your version of leading is writing content for a software company and pouring love into every word. Maybe you acknowledge the incredibly beautiful human being you are speaking with every time you answer a call at the insurance company. Maybe every latte you make is full of divine love from your own heart. Perhaps you pick up your kids from school and give meaningful compliments to every teacher or parent you see.

What if instead of constantly searching for validation from the world around you, YOU start validating everyone in your world? Instead of saying LOOK HOW SPIRITUAL I AM, you say to the person in front of you at the grocery store “I can see your amazing spirit”.

If you want to change the world, do not underestimate the power of doing it as a “normal human”. Let’s stop putting the change agents on a pedestal, and let our raw and honest humanity be a catalyst for transformation.

So that’s where I am. Dancing at the edge of the vast unknown. Thank you for reading, for commenting, for replying.

Love,
Amy

By |October 2nd, 2014|Categories: spirituality|Tags: , , , |Comments Off on the power of the unknown

soaring skills

Photo by Carl Kerridge

Photo by Carl Kerridge

Grande Jete

I’m really good at leaping. Literally. In ballet, we don’t call them leaps, we call them grand jetes. And I’m still really good at them. In fact, they are probably one of my favorite dance moves, ever. Speaking of important dance moves, watch this.

In order to physically do a grand jete with legs in full splits, most humans have to practice a lot. And having a teacher can help. My practice involved stretching everyday for years as I had to be able to do the splits on the ground before I could get in the air. Then I had to do thousands of grand battement (big kicks) a week, to train my leg to go that high. And I had to practice thousands of small jumps to get my ass to go that high. I did all these weird small things everyday so that, at the end of class, I was allowed to fly! To soar across the floor!

Here’s the catch, at the time, I had no idea that all the kicks, and small jumps and stretching was leading me to the grand jete. In my mind, it was all important, it all was significant. The soreness was just as important as the soaring leap.

Leap of Faith

I took a metaphorical leap a couple weeks ago when I left my main yoga teaching job that I’ve had for the last 4 years. Much like the physical leap, I have been preparing for this metaphorical leap without even realizing it. I have been practicing leading large groups of people in asana practice. I have been learning how to speak and write my truth. I have been allowing myself to be vulnerable. I have been stretching what I think is possible.

Unlike physical leaps that are over in a fraction of a second, this “leap of faith” seems to be lasting for ever. I feel suspended in uncertainty… and tired from the anticipation of landing. I’m energetically a little sore from holding this shape and this intention.

The good news is that when I leaped, I had a really clear vision of where I will be landing, and it is awesome. I’m in the process of updating my website to be more resonate with who I really am. I’m also in the process of creating a new form of work for myself: intensives, retreats, and group programs, as that is what I’m really great at. And for fun, my book is taking on a more clear and solid form.

In order to make space for all of this to manifest, I’m taking a 3 week trip to Europe. Part of that trip will be a retreat in Provence, France that I am co-facilitating with my friend and colleague Isabelle Tierney. Another part of that trip will be a few days on the coast of Spain, staring at Salvador Dali’s magnificent works. In the reflection of Dali, I’ll be asking myself to find the courage to let my own wildly creative, and sometimes controversial, self emerge more powerfully. I’m finishing the trip with a week in Great Britain visiting with one of my dearest friends. I have hopes of seeing some absurd mysteries like Stonehenge.

For the next three weeks, I am not promising any blogs. I may or may not write. If I do, it will be because I feel called to share and serve you.

For now the some Leaping Instructions:

1. Consider that when the time comes for you to take your own metaphorical leap, that you have probably been preparing for it without even knowing.

2. If you aren’t prepared, find a teacher or a coach or a mentor who can help set you up for success.

3. Leaping is totally awesome and worth the effort.

4. The key to a successful leap, is knowing where you will land.

5. Don’t look at your landing spot, look just ahead of it.

By |August 21st, 2014|Categories: how to|Tags: , , |Comments Off on soaring skills

bone cell in the brain

Every cell in your body has an inherent nature. Some of the cells are created to be bone cells, some are fat cells, some are brain cells. I love how they are all very different from one another and yet they all need each other.

What if being human is the same? Each of us is born with a specific talent or inclination and our talents serve each other. When I say talent, I don’t mean your job, or even your purpose. Just that thing that makes you feel alive. That thing that you lose track of time doing.

Some people it’s very obvious and they are born with an epic talent for painting or brewing chai or pig farming. Some people there was never any doubt that they are here on Earth to study the sea pig.

Maybe you are like me, and your talents are more subtle. Your talent might be to take care of your mom’s cat or it could be to push other people’s buttons. Maybe you have awesome planking skills, or perhaps you are really good at being boring.

The problem is that our culture is pretty much set up to put people into boxes. Instead of a system that fits people, we have a system that makes people fit to it. In this system of fitting in, you can’t just paint, you have to be a painter. You can’t just dance, you have to be a dancer. Fuck that. Do what feels good without it defining you. Your talent might be your job. But mostly it’s just what makes you feel really good.

I recently read a book called “The Spark”. A fascinating story about a mother and her autistic son and how she learned to harness his talents. Lucky for her, and her son, she had already developed this sense of helping small children follow their spark. Example, she noticed one child being really interested in what she was doing in the kitchen, so she invited her to stir the macaroni. Later in childhood, this kid started working in soup kitchens. Or another child who seemed to be really interested in the screws on the stereo and on the tv. She went out and got him a bunch of old electronics and later he became an inventor.

Here’s the thing, not very many of us have the guidance of a woman like Kris in The Spark. Most of us have parents who were also forced through a system that asked them to fit in and pick one of the jobs on the list. So by no fault of their own, they weren’t able to see and harness your talents.

Since maybe it isn’t obvious, and maybe our parents didn’t feed the spark, we get to explore now. What makes you light up? Are you doing it?

Want to hear something weird? I think my talent is to ask tough questions. Inherently, I’ve always wanted to demystify the human experience. I want to know why do brides have bridesmaids? And who was the first person to eat an avocado? Why are our houses square? Do I have to wash my hair? What if my purple looks different than your purple? Why do we have fish in bowls in our houses?

It’s not that I’m saying these things are wrong, I just wonder how did we get to this point? And is this place really working for us?

My weird talent could actually help you find your weird talent. Why aren’t you doing what you love to do? What is your secret dream? What is your secret fear? Do you like peach pie?

Imagine if everyone in the world was living their magical talent. Currently, the world looks like a bunch of bone cells trying to be brain cells. And brain cells trying to be eye cells. And hair cells trying to be skin cells. What a disaster that is.

Imagine, if everyone just knew what they were good at and did that?

How could that work? Surely there is NO ONE that wants to pick up the garbage. Surely there isn’t anyone that wants to take care of other people’s toilets. That’s not for us to worry about. The thing we need to focus on is finding out what our talents are, and living from them.

If you dream of learning how to cook, do it. If you dream of putting a hammock in your backyard, do it.
The best way to help others is to be you. Stop trying to be the bone cell in the brain.

By |August 14th, 2014|Categories: be you|Tags: , , |Comments Off on bone cell in the brain

shelves and selves

Recently, as I was climbing into bed, I looked over at my bookshelf and saw my books in a new way. Shelves of incredible teachings, channelings and lovely messages. I’d read and loved each one. And each one has taught me something about my self. And as I was looking at my books I had this moment of what could be almost be thought of as a graduation.

I saw the books and realized I didn’t feel like I needed them anymore. I realized, again, that everything I need is inside of me.

I have rationally had a concept of this for several years, in fact for all of my life on some level.

But what happened on a deeper level than ever was a surrender entirely into the support of my own heart, my own soul, my own light.

No matter how brilliantly I tell you that you are the creator of your own life. No matter how much I tell you your thoughts, your emotions, your life, are YOUR responsibility. You won’t get it until you get it.

And the real truth is that “getting it” is an ever unfolding process. It is constant evolution.

Am I saying I’m going to stop reading and learning and exploring? No way. Instead, the way I learn has shifted. I love my books and I now see them as a reflection of my own truth. Which I have known, but I now feel it deeper in my body.

What does internal referral mean? For me, it’s a sensation. When I am oriented externally, I feel like I have no skin and that I am highly stimulated. I feel mildly nervous and even slightly agitated.

When I am internally oriented, I feel the space in the center of my heart open and expand beyond what I see outside of my body. I feel anchored, grounded and real.

It’s important to realize though, that in order for me to do this, I have had years and hours of practicing understanding how my heart speaks to me. I am clear on the difference (most of the time) between wisdom speaking and ego drama stirring shit up. I differentiate through a visceral experience. A friend of mine’s wisdom speaks through vision and sound. You might smell things. I coach people in this… how does your wisdom speak to you?

Because of my years of practice, more than ever, I feel solid in making choices from the space inside. Where I used to turn to my gurus, my books and my loved ones, I now turn to my heart first.

It has been my teachers, my gurus and my loved ones that have assisted me in reaching this anchored place and the level of appreciation I feel for them has only taken me deeper into my own wisdom.

May you find your own heart’s voice. May you dare to be you! The gurus outside of us are starting to fade, become your own guru. Go in and find your own guru.

By |August 7th, 2014|Categories: evolution|Tags: , , , , |Comments Off on shelves and selves

f-word you

There are many Fantastic words that start with F, but specifically, I’m talking about Forgiveness.

You may or may not have noticed that last week, I didn’t write my blog. Instead of writing, I was busy with meetings, calls, and clients. I had filled up my calendar with way too much was so busy that I ended up rear-ending someone. The horror! The shame!

After we finished up with all the awesomeness that goes on after a car accident, I got back in my car and started sobbing. This is my standard form of self-healing. As if I wasn’t already embarrassed enough, I had to text what felt like everyone I knew to help me find a sub for my yoga class.

Lesson: it’s not enough to just have a concept of “slowing down”, I have to actually slow down. And not just in a car when I’m driving behind another car, but also in how I schedule my life and what I spend my precious energy and attention on.

Even though I understood why I had created the accident, I still felt guilty, ashamed, evil, embarrassed and like any second the authorities were going to crash through my windows and question my purpose.

Then I remembered one of my favorite tools: Forgiveness.

When I work with clients around forgiveness, they are often say “I don’t like forgiving. If I forgive someone, that means what they did to me was ok. It means they win.” That is a valid concern. And what underlies that concern is mostly a desire to never let that happen again. So the question is, what did you learn?

The reality is that forgiveness isn’t about the other person… there is no other person.

Forgiveness is about yourself.

“I forgive myself for filling my calendar so full. I forgive myself for judging myself as full of shit because my calendar is so full.

I forgive myself for rear-ending the other car. I forgive myself for judging myself as stupid for rear-ending someone.

I forgive myself for judging myself as a space case. I forgive myself for judging myself as a stupid hippie. I forgive myself for judging myself as a problem for other people. I forgive myself for judging that I might get in trouble any second.”

Notice how it started with forgiving actions, and then moved to forgiving the judgements. It’s usually not the incident, but the judgements about ourselves based on the incident that cause the most pain.

If you are up for a challenge, every night before you go to bed, do 5-10 forgivenesses (just like I just did). If there was an incident that happened that day, start there and then go into the judgements around the incident. Even if you are already an enlightened master, forgiveness can still serve you. Eventually, you may get so good, that you forgive immediately after the judgements happen.

If you feel like it’s difficult to do forgiveness, take some time to write out what it is you hope you have learned from that specific situation. With me and my fender bender, I learned to slow down. Slow my driving and more importantly the speed at which I live my life. I was very clear on that message and immediately started taking actions to make it happen.

The emotions of guilt and shame after were information from my body that this situation wasn’t something I want to repeat. I listened to their energy and chose to move forward with forgiveness.

Forgiveness isn’t to make those feelings go away, it’s there to help me soften the stories I tell myself about how I should or should not be. Forgiveness is the energy that allows a softening into both your divine nature and your human nature, at the same time. Forgiveness allows us an easy surrender into perfectly imperfect self.

Let me know if you want support in this….

PS. I have a few openings for new clients… if you read that and get nervous, send me an email amydevaplay {at} gmail.com

BONUS: An enlightened master dives into my second favorite F-Word. This is NSFW.

By |July 31st, 2014|Categories: how to|Tags: , |Comments Off on f-word you

thriving on change

Things are changing for me. Which is fantastic. I thrive on change. LOVE it in fact. Right now I’m even changing the way I handle change.

My typical method for change has been:

First: realize I am bored
Second: freak out and start searching the internet for answers and relief
Third: quickly move to the next job, house, town… it might not be right, but at least it is different.

And Repeat.

I’ve been getting feedback that this method of tackling change doesn’t really work.

Here’s my new strategy:

First: Slow down.
I’ve mentioned this in several previous blogs. When I get that feeling of stagnancy, I don’t have to immediately start running. I know I want things to change, but I also want them to transform into awesomeness, not just more of the same shit. Slowing down means when I get off the phone with a client, I take time and appreciate and love them and however they showed up in my life. When I get an email, I take time to respond intelligently. I’m eating slowly and less in the car. I’m moving slower through my day and taking more breaths. I’m tuning into a deeper level before I hit post in social media. Even though I feel the urge to change, I’m not letting that urge shoot me awkwardly into the next thing. Slowness is giving me the opportunity to consciously and efficiently direct my energy towards what I really want.

Second:Rhythms and cycles.
I’m paying more attention to my rhythms and the fascinating world of molecules. Specifically the way hormones impact my life and how balancing them could be the real change I’ve been running for. The chemical balance of the human, and particularly the female, body is fascinating. Hormones have long been something I sort of just complained about once a month. Recently, I’ve really started to explore how they work, what they do and how I might be able to easily change my life by paying attention to my body’s natural rhythms.

Want to know more? I found this fascinating podcast with Dr. Sara Gottfried talking to men about women’s hormones. The idea is that if men and women better understand hormones, relationships and lives get infinitely better. Pretty wild. What if instead of pretending women didn’t have menstrual cycles we learned how to work with them?!??!

Third: Other people.
I have been told by many people that I am a very introspective person. Yes. Absolutely. What I didn’t know was that not everyone is this introspective. Turns out that often what is introspective and normal to me might seem distant and disconnected to other people. Previously, I really made no consideration of others when I decided to make a change. I knew my decision would impact people, but I was fine with making changes based on my needs only. I’m now committed to a deeper consideration of how my actions impact others. When I make change what if I’m not just a singular being, but who I am as a member of my community?

Why should you care about all this change talk? Well, I’m at the precipice of once again shifting my business. I will keep my weekly blogs coming because they serve you and me both. I am also working on more collaborations. I am creating a new website. I’m building partnerships and group programs and retreats. I’m committing to taking my work to deeper level with a bigger community. Stay tuned because I’m moving slowly, so I’m not just going to blurt it all out. But I’m super excited.

Thank you for reading. Reach out to me at amydevaplay {at} gmail.com or post some comments about how you tackle change. I’d love to hear your method.

LOVE!

By |July 10th, 2014|Categories: how to|Tags: , , , , |Comments Off on thriving on change

big houses need big foundations

Many of the things I have dreamed up have started to move out of the dream realm, and into the physical realm. Totally fun to watch and I’m super excited about all of this growth. And at the same time, I’m also feeling an edge that I could call overwhelm.

However, instead of getting overwhelmed, I’m implementing a few practices that slow me down, keep me grounded and help me transform this expansion into a lifestyle that serves me and others.

Even though our culture convinces us we live in linear time, we actually live in a universe where nothing is permanent and everything moves in spiraling cycles. Right now, I recognize and celebrate that I’m joyful, creative, and expanding. And I know that the phase of inward reflection and slowing down will come again. I’m done living the illusion that I should always be on, going and happy. As much as I appreciate being creative, and excited and joyful, I appreciate the slow down and the inward times as well.

In order to balance out these two arenas of my life, I’m actually starting to really study them and see them not as opposites, but as partners. Just as the inhale needs the exhale, the expansion needs the rest.

Here’s what I’m committed to implementing during this cycle of expansion:

 

  • When I think “I have SO MUCH to do right now”, I take a deep breath and a sip of water and switch my energy from “rushed” to “Queen of I’ve got this”.
  • I don’t let the adrenaline freak out happen, instead I stay tuned into loving awareness.
  • When I feel like there is so much excitement moving through my body, I take a dance break so that the energy can anchor into my body through movement.
  • When I get up in the morning, I take ONE HOUR before I look at my email, texts, Instagram, Facebook or Twitter.
  • Morning meditation, appreciation, and yoga are a must.
  • At night, I put the screens away by 9:30pm or 10:00pm depending on my schedule. Then I read and meditate.
  • I’m not obsessively checking my phone at stop lights.
  • Awe and appreciation of my professional cycle, my hormonal cycle, the seasonal cycle, and the moon cycle.
  • Staying anchored to source energy and not taking any successes personally, while still celebrating and appreciating them.

 

The intention with these commitments is that they will help smooth out the transitions between cycles. That if I invite more slow down and reflection in when I feel expansive, I might feel more joyful when I’m in slow down.

A big house needs a big foundation. If I want to grow out, I have to also grow in. The amount of energy I put out has to match the energy I put in. Tall trees have deep roots. Etc.

Let’s end the cultural illusion that punishes us if we aren’t always “ON”. Let’s get radical and admit that part of being in the flow, is resting, rebuilding and pausing.

I’d love to hear how you are moving out of linear time and into cyclical evolution. What practices do you have? How are they working for you?

By |July 3rd, 2014|Categories: evolution|Tags: , , , , |Comments Off on big houses need big foundations

this could be the last blog i write

I was prepared to write a blog all about why people hire coaches, when I received news that another classmate passed away. Another meaning the 4th this year. I went to a small school district with about 85 kids in each class. For the most part, the kids who were in kindergarten with me were still by my side when I graduated from high school. Often an awkwardly close community, I knew nearly everyone who I was in school with, classes above and below mine.

I wasn’t particularly close to any one of the four who passed this year, but I still feel a level of shock and discomfort. I almost feel like asking “when did 34 become the new 84?” Losing multiple childhood friends is something you experience in your 80s. Perhaps that isn’t an appropriate thing to say, or maybe it is. I honestly feel like I have no idea how to deal with death. I feel like everything I could say would be the wrong thing to say. I feel like I’m going to offend someone by writing this. And then what about religion and the after-life and should I even write this blog today? Is it too soon?

What I do feel certain saying is that death, as painful as it is, is a gift for the living. It gives those of us still in bodies the opportunity to really assess, contemplate, and feel. The feeling of grief is one of the biggest human sensations. So complex, intense and heavy, grief contains layers of information.

In the experience of loss, I feel called to ask myself: how do I want to be remembered? and what do I want this life to be about? This could be the last blog I write. I don’t know. What if this was the last sip of water I drank? And not in a morbid way, in an extremely present and reverent way. Acknowledging the fleeting and delicate nature of my human experience brings an awareness and a depth that is otherwise impossible to access.

Did my soul incarnate to look at Facebook for hours? or wipe the tears off a grieving friend’s face? Did I choose to create a long and tidy list of things that make me uncomfortable? or did I push my edges and explore the freedom in discomfort? Do I want to be remembered as an average lady who taught good yoga? or a legendary agent of change? Do I want to write about seeing magic? or do I want to live in magic and miracles every moment? Do I want to look back and think, wow I really thought about stuff? or do I want to look back and know I fucking did it?

My coach’s coach already has his grave site picked out, with the headstone carved, minus the date. His papers are all ready. He’s committed, knowing that his life will one day end. Because he acknowledges this obvious part of life, he lives full out.

This week in our session, my coach read this poem by Nadine Stair, age 85:

If I Had My Life to Live Over

I’d dare to make more mistakes next time.
I’d relax. I would limber up.
I would be sillier than I have been this trip.
I would take fewer things seriously.
I would take more chances.
I would take more trips.
I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers.
I would eat more ice cream and less beans.

I would perhaps have more actual troubles but I’d
have fewer imaginary ones.

You see, I’m one of those people who live sensibly
and sanely hour after hour, day after day.

Oh, I’ve had my moments and if I had it to do over
again, I’d have more of them. In fact,
I’d try to have nothing else. Just moments.

One after another, instead of living so many
years ahead of each day.

I’ve been one of those people who never go anywhere
without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a raincoat
and a parachute.

If I had my life to live over, I would start barefoot
earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall.

If I had it to do again, I would travel lighter next time.
I would go to more dances.
I would ride more merry-go-rounds.
I would pick more daisies.

By Nadine Stair (age 85)

from Condensed Chicken Soup for the Soul
Copyright 1996 by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen & Patty Hansen

The reality is, you don’t have your life to live over. You have this life. And actually, you really only have right now. Make routine a ritual. Make the mundane the sacred. Become fascinated by the way the light hits the dust on your screen and how the heat of the day is causing moisture to appear on your top lip.

May those closest to my lost classmates have permission to feel all that needs to be felt. May each of us be supported in our full human experience. May the beings who were once incarnate find peace in their transitions. May we honor the gift they have given us, and reflect with love on our own lives.

Each of you reading this, thank you for being a significant part of my life. You reading this blog is transforming me and how I live every moment. I honor you.

By |June 19th, 2014|Categories: spirituality|Tags: , |Comments Off on this could be the last blog i write

you freaky little love muffin

In the last few months, I’ve been mildly aware of something weird in me when I’m teaching yoga. It was a strange awkwardness that I couldn’t quite put a finger on. So I started asking for feedback, and different people would tell me different things. So and so would say “try this” and I would think, okay next class I’m going to try that. And then it would feel so pressurized and awkward that I wouldn’t do it. And someone else would suggest something, and again nope.

Then recently, I had a realization. I’ve been trying to fit into someone else’s shoes, or not shoes as the case is for yoga teachers. This is an interesting thing to admit, because most people would say that I’m an “authentic teacher”, and I would mostly agree.

It’s just that lately, I’ve really been pushing my edges. Starting a business, coaching people, hiring a radical coach and leading retreats has me in this space of expansion. Since I am out of my comfort zone and in a place of uncertainty, I’ve been turning to others to see what they are doing. I’m constantly wondering how do I do this? So of course, I’m looking around and wondering how others are doing it. I’m also looking for a sense of community as a solo entrepreneur.

And yet, the more I ask others how they have been doing it, the more uncomfortable I feel. Wait, shouldn’t I feel uncomfortable if I’m out of my comfort zone? Yes. But I think there are two (or possibly more) types of discomfort.

There is discomfort that is simply you expanding and pushing your edges, and then there is the discomfort of you doing something that isn’t right for you. Only you can know the difference. The way I can tell is that the discomfort of expansion feels a little scary and a little exciting. The discomfort of “this isn’t right for me” feels too exciting or too scary.

So once again, I’m experiencing how nobody else has my answers. I’m the only one who knows how I’m supposed to coach, supposed to write, supposed to teach, supposed to live. Sure, I can gather tips from others, like how to best utilize hashtags and how to make a green smoothie. But no one can tell me if my body wants a green smoothie but me.

The point is as you grow, notice where you are gathering your information from. Go within. Meditate, hike, yoga, journal. Do whatever it takes to get to know who you really are. Let go of how your boss, mom, friends, cousins, dog want you to be. Step into the land where somebody might not like you. GASP.

The best thing you can do for the world is be you. Which is the hugest cliche ever. But it’s also the simplest and yet hardest thing there is. Simple because, duh. Hard because somebody outside of me might not approve, or worse, they might dislike me. Or what if I follow the wrong ideas, I have so many of them!

What if every human on Earth just let go of the drama, and settled into their true selves? Imagine that for a second. That happens one person at a time. Be you, you freaky little love muffin.

By |June 5th, 2014|Categories: be you|Tags: , , , |Comments Off on you freaky little love muffin

slow down

Today I don’t want to write. I have started and deleted 4 or 5 blogs this morning. I feel slow and like I have nothing to say. I actually kind of want to go back to bed. I wouldn’t say I’m grumpy or uninspired. I just feel pretty average and like I’d rather just chill at home today. I’m not depressed, just introverted.

And guess what, that’s okay! Life on Earth goes in cycles, days, nights, seasons, growth, destruction… and so do humans. We have times where we feel creative and expansive and inspired, and times when we need a little quiet, softness and less stimulation. I’m learning to let go of the hallucination that expansion is the only reason we are alive and when we feel like hiding we are ruining everything and should probably die. I know that sounds extreme, but a lot of fears at their core are that extreme.

Generally speaking, and especially in Boulder, we have a very go-go-go oriented culture. We’re all caught in a strange pattern of out yoga-ing, out green-smoothie-ing, out running, out healthy-eating ourselves and each other. Boulder is the land of busy glorification, and it’s exhausting. What are we so afraid will happen if we stopped doing so much? What are we afraid would happen if we slowed down? What would happen if we stopped flying around like crazy people?

Here’s what I’m afraid of: If I don’t write an amazing blog today, my readers will stop reading and forget about me. I’ll never make money and I will end up starving or working a horrible real job that I hate. If I don’t run out the door in the morning, I’ll have to feel the anxiety of an open calendar. If my calendar is open, I’m not worthy of the new car, or the clients, or the chai I am drinking. I have to do something in order to be a valid human. And of course, FOMO.

What are you afraid will happen if you slow down?

I’m thinking about a revolution: SLODO, where we SLOw (the fuck) DOwn and pay attention to what we are doing and why. In making space to be still and go inward we get to re-prioritize, recalibrate, and refresh.

By |May 22nd, 2014|Categories: evolution|Tags: , , , |Comments Off on slow down

conceptual spirituality

There’s too much conceptual spirituality out there. Too many “Namaste” bumper stickers and not enough actual experience of namaste. Spirituality isn’t the books you have read, the lectures you have been to, or the teachers you have studied with. It’s the experience. It’s not saying namaste, it’s being namaste.

You should see the bookshelf by my bed, it’s three shelves stuffed with books about spirit, soul transcendence, astral travel, planetary evolution, yoga, Egypt, Atlantis. As much as I love my books, reading just becomes another layer in the fabric of stories that is my version of reality. You could read all about strawberries. Would you have any idea what a strawberry tastes like? The point of being an earthling in a body isn’t to understand strawberries, it is to experience strawberries. It isn’t to tame your anger, it’s to experience anger. Being human isn’t about making the right choices and being good, it’s about being you. Experience yourself.

The cool thing about experiencing yourself is you are the universe experiencing itself. Stop reading for a second and drop into your heart. Start to look around with out seeing anything in particular. Remember that the blue on the book next to you is a wave of light hitting your eye and being interpreted in your brain. Feel your body, the clothes on your skin. Let the sensations be waves of information. Watch how the mind wants to start labeling. Watch how your breath moves in and out of your body. A wave of energy being given and received by some mysterious force.

Earth is in an incredible transformation right now. I’m sure you can feel it. And you, as a co-creator are participating in the shaping of our co-reality. If you want to see world peace, you have to start with your peace. Turn inward. Have the courage to face your demons and draw your energy off of them. Take back your energy leaks. Talk to your angels. Allow the waves of feelings to emerge after years of lurking deep in your consciousness.

What you are looking for is where you are looking from. Yeah, but how? How do I do this? Do I need the right crystals and malas and t-shirts and the right meditation cushion and the right music and the right candle and the right books?

Connecting with spirit isn’t about which yoga class you go to or which mala you bought. Those things only matter if you make them matter. Sure a mala would be a better meditation tool than a ham sandwich, but the truth is, everything is a manifestation of spirit. Explore what feels sacred to you. What are you great at? What makes you come alive? Don’t ask with your mind, ask with your heart. Practice feeling sacred, great, creative, and abundant. Live there.

How do you know what sacred is? You just do. The same way you know what joy is. It’s an experience. Explore your inner realm, it’s rich and bright and wow. WOW!

By |May 8th, 2014|Categories: spirituality|Tags: , , , |Comments Off on conceptual spirituality

i refuse to let humanity default

We all have a default. A default set of behaviors. A default way of thinking. A default language. A default future. This default is usually based in our childhood and the way we learned to be based on our environment and our feelings about our environment. If we let our default mode run our lives, we end up in our default future.

For most of us, the default future is decent to mediocre: an okay job, a pretty okay relationship, average money, sometimes a vacation. There is nothing wrong with that. The question is, what would it be like to actually live out your dream? What if you could step into a realm where you own (no matter your age, your history, or your dramas) that you can live a life that is legendary?

If we turn our gaze to the bigger picture, we could see that humanity’s default future is a little terrifying. If we continue on the path of consumption and separation, well… we could all fill in the blanks. The reality is that in order to shift humanity’s default future, we all need to shift our own personal default future.

I’ll let you in on what I mean by default by sharing my version of it. When I’m in default, I wake up and immediately start worrying, usually about money (survival). From there I make choices throughout the day with anxiety and worry as the motivators. I worry that I’m not doing, not eating, not wearing or not saying the right thing. I look to Facebook, email, astrology blogs, books and Instagram for my answers. My attention span is 30 seconds, if I’m lucky.

My default behavior keeps me mildly invisible and totally unable to make a decision or rock the boat. If I stayed on my current default path, I would probably be a yoga teacher in Boulder until I was like 100. I would probably be single (it’s easier alone) and moving on a yearly basis. I wouldn’t be writing these blogs much. My default looks pretty great and I would probably be okay and happy. Life right now is awesome, but something in my soul says “there’s more for you here on Earth”. And not more as in more shoes, but more as in a bigger energy, deeper connections, more vulnerability, and impossible becoming normal.

So I’m listening to that urge from my soul and I’m choosing to create my life. I’m not the victim of my programming.

Creating your life isn’t something that happens one time on a rainy Tuesday afternoon. It happens everyday, with every breath. Creating your life isn’t just about what you do, it’s also about the energy you are in when you do it. I could easily write these blogs while desperately seeking approval from you to validate my existence (default). Or I could write these blogs with the simple intention of sharing the information that moves me deeply (creating). In creation there is possibility, service and connection.

For me creating my life means I have strong internal boundaries around my worry mechanism. I spend my days focused on my purpose to share love and light and activate others’ self expression. I am choosing to stop searching for approval in all the sneaky and deeply ingrained ways I have in the past. I’m choosing to live from my creativity and let myself become an empty vessel for the highest service to myself and others. Specifically, I said HELL FUCKING YES to an incredible opportunity to be coached by one of the best coaches in the world. This hell yes has asked a lot of me financially. I am so far out of my default that I can barely even recognize myself. I literally have no choice but to change the way I think and live to make this happen.

The result of creating my life in the last month hasn’t been glamorous. Although it has been full of grace, it has also been tremendously intense and messy. Ah, the paradox of life on Earth. One day last week I drove all the way from Pearl Street to Niwot screaming out loud at the top of my lungs to release frustration. There were tears, boogers and f-bombs everywhere. I spent a lot of time laying on the grass in my back yard asking for help, feeling the earth, the sun, receiving some deep breaths and knowing that this is part of the process. As cliche as it is, the metaphor of the birth canal is entirely appropriate. I am held, I have sun, I have air, I have food, I have so many loving people. I sob with gratitude and discomfort all at once.

The time is now for us to each break away from the learned behaviors that are destructive internally and externally. Let’s step up and make everyday Earth day, creative day, love day, dance day, connection day. Let me know how I can support you as you say HELL FUCKING YES to your big dreams.

By |April 23rd, 2014|Categories: evolution|Tags: , , , |Comments Off on i refuse to let humanity default

i can’t afford it

At this point in my life, I have had hundreds, maybe even thousands of people say to me “I can’t afford it”. I’ve heard it from people about my coaching programs, Yoga Teacher Trainings, Cleanse Programs, Yogi Trainings, and even just chatting with friends. People say “I can’t afford it” all the time to me. And it hurts my body.

The pain isn’t from rejection, it’s from the extreme limitations you create when you say that phrase. Because I know the power of language, I NEVER say “I can’t afford it.”

I’m fascinated by language and words and what they really mean. Afford actually comes from the Old English word meaning: go forth, perform or accomplish. How very interesting…

When you say “I can’t afford it” what you are really saying is I’m unable to accomplish it. I can’t afford it is limiting your realm of possibility, and limiting what you think you are capable of.

The truth is, affordability is relative and we all have our version of what we are willing and not willing to pay for. Some of us value health and good food, others nice things, some value activities and vacations, others value comfort, some value personal growth.

It’s important to understand that you can actually afford almost anything, if you decide that’s what you want and that it has value for you. Affordability has nothing to do with what job you have, it has to do with how you think about life.

If there is something you really want, or something you need, you figure out a way to make it happen. When I hear people say “I can’t afford it,” what I hear is “I’m unwilling to step out of my comfort zone. I’m limited in what I think is possible. I’m not actually interested enough.”

I’d love to see a culture where we don’t just say stuff to avoid discomfort. Let’s be honest with ourselves and one another. What if instead of falling back on the default, “I can’t afford it” we said “I don’t really want this”, or “this isn’t that important to me”, or “I’m unwilling to step beyond my financial comfort zone”, or “it might take me some time to gather the funds for this.”

My coach, Rich Litvin says “Money is a direct reflection of my creativity”. Which means, if you want more money, be more creative. Do you make money or does money make you? Does money control you or do you control money? In your relationship with money, who has the power? Do you work for money or does money work for you?

Challenge: Let’s say you want a $500 hula hoop, you know that hula hoop is going to change your world and will be a great investment, but you don’t know how you can find $500 extra. Blow your own mind by making a list of 50 ways you can create $1000 dollars. That’s right, go for twice as much as you think you want. Get wild. Think outside the box that’s outside the box. Push the upper limits of what you think is actually possible.

YAY MONEY! Let me know if you want to talk this out. One powerful conversation can change your life!

By |March 25th, 2014|Categories: evolution|Tags: , , |Comments Off on i can’t afford it

dimensions of awesome

I’ve been transformed, or rather, I’m transforming at a speed that is pretty unfathomable. In the last month, I have learned more about myself than ever before. Right now, I am experiencing both utter confusion and total clarity. I feel completely at peace and totally shaken up. In the past month, I have made statements and shared things that literally changed my paradigm, and therefore changed the collective paradigm.

Here’s what I know, we have to close the gap between spiritual and human. The traditional systems of spirituality have served us, now we have to personalize them. Maybe that means a little from Yoga, Buddhism, Egypt, sacred geometry, angels and Christianity. We have to stop pretending that business isn’t personal. We need to stop seeing the world as something separate from our pain and our hearts.

These changes in consciousness are happening, and from my perspective they are happening very quickly. I know this because it is happening inside of me and I’m guessing inside of you. Whatever image you think you are holding up to the world will be torn down. There is no room for falsity, powerlessness, pretending, even for avoiding aspects of the truth. Anytime I try to manipulate my truth or hold back my power, I feel actual pain in my body.

I have no idea what this means. It almost feels like my soul is more in my body than ever before. I can feel my cells vibrating. I feel like I’m a little bit of a mess, and yet, I’m also filled with bliss. I’m aching for an adventure and yet I want to sit in stillness. I feel out of control and completely safe. I feel like I’m transparent and raw and yet, more comfortable than when I’m trying to shield myself from being seen.

And it’s all awesome. I don’t have to package this up for you and make it into a conceptual lesson. I’m interested in sharing an experience. The less sense it makes, the more potent the information is. I just get to be raw in my emotions, joyful in my humanness, peaceful in my spirit and wired in my mind… all at once. In this recognition that there is always more than one state of being happening, I feel more unified than ever. I feel like I no longer wish to push parts of myself away, and am instead embracing that right now, I kind of want to cry, and scream out in the pain of disappointment, and yet I’m happy and safe. I’m creating something new by myself, but I know I am not alone.

How can all of those things be happening at once? How can they not? This is humanness. This is the layers of self. When I stop denying that multiple dimensions of me exist all the time, then I feel whole and integrated.

By |March 19th, 2014|Categories: evolution|Tags: , , , , , , , |Comments Off on dimensions of awesome

we get to make it up

Let’s talk about right now. This moment.

This moment includes the following amazing things that you probably only partially understand and rarely explore:

  •  Your digestive system is doing it’s process of breaking down the pizza you ate for lunch. Through a beautiful system of magical pumps, high powered acids and tubes with internal brains, somehow that pizza becomes usable molecules and… that which needs to be discarded.
  • As you inhale, your heart beats and oxygen is being carted around your body to your cells. When your cells receive the oxygen, an epic party happens.
  • Your mitochondria are doing whatever it is mitochondria do. Something about being the cell’s power plant. Random fact, mitochondria has its own DNA.
  • Endoplasmic reticulm
  • Particles in your body are dancing in and out of reality… or are they… wait what?
  • Your brain is in a constant dance of electricity.
  • Your eyes are picking up light from the screen in front of you, the light is flipped upside down multiple times, your brain receives the light, interprets it and cross references all of the things it knows about the subject.
  • Your nervous system is reading the temperature in the room, the colors around you, the sound of the washing machine, your neighbor’s barking dog, the smell of coffee, the stupid itchy socks you are wearing.

All of this (and more) is happening while you ride a living rock through space at 1000 miles per hour. And you are like, “I’m bored”.

What a gift to be bored! Could you imagine what it would be like if you had to micromanage any of that with your thoughts?!? It is entirely awesome that some mysterious wisdom is keeping all of these bodily functions/miracles happening.

Who or what is that mysterious wisdom? There a probably a thousand words for it: nature, science, God, Spirit, Divinity, or The force, universe, consciousness, source, the vortex, light, love, energy. Words are words,what matters is you understand the experience they are referring to.

The whole point is to have a relationship with this force. Not an intellectual, philosophical and conceptual idea, but an experiential relationship. Get to know it in your own body. Take the time to decipher subtle feelings and what they are communicating.

What would it be like if you feel the electricity in your spine? Could you say thank you to your mitochondria? How would it feel if you heard them saying “you are welcome”? Once you are connected to your own little divine universe, explore the possibility that this force doesn’t just do this in your body, it’s happening in every single body. And not just the 7 billion human bodies, but also in the bodies of the dandelions, the pine beetles, the tigers, the hawks, the banana slugs, the Earth, the Milky Way. WOW!

One of my favorite spiritual teachers was a young human who was new to Earth… she had probably been here barely one year. For a few months, I was in charge of feeding her and she would teach me. We would spend our days crawling around and picking up chip crumbs, shoes, cat fur, rubber ducks and remote controls. All she would say was simply “WOW”.

In one word, this little one reminded me… spiritual practice is a simple shift in perspective: remembering, WOW this is all a miracle. In that shift, the universe reveals her secrets.

This little one, had not studied any lineage, and yet somehow she was pretty much directly connected to all lineage. She was innocent enough to approach the world as new, exciting, invigorating and miraculous. Here’s the good news, YOU ARE ALSO INNOCENT enough to have a direct relationship with spirit. Once you have done enough self exploration, you don’t need a teacher to say “On the 4th breath ganesha will arrive standing on a mouse, on the 8th breath you have to do 14 chaturangas, on the 75th breath, call your mom”.

Teachers and gurus are probably the best thing ever. I LOVE THEM and value them beyond measure. They have gotten humanity to the place we are now. Because the foundation has been laid by the teachers, we get to collectively step forward as our own divine teacher. Each of our hearts is directly and personally connected to the the mysterious force that keeps it beating. Create a relationship with this force. Make your own rituals. Do whatever practice you need. Set your default perspective to “WOW”. I’m realizing more and more how many of us are taking on this epic adventure of discovering our own spiritual paths. We get to make it up! Let’s create a community of trailblazers and world changers. Shoot me an email. WOW!

By |March 5th, 2014|Categories: how to, spirituality|Tags: , , , , , , |Comments Off on we get to make it up

mystery and miracles

With my blog, and my yoga classes and my life, I open your eyes to the magic and miracles that are all around you and IN YOU. I dream of a world where we all know that there are actual wizards and muggles on Earth now.

You have a fairy god mother (or two hundred) just waiting for your call. Star Wars is about you. I inspire you to know your soul and live it’s mission. I dream of a world full of humans ignited by passion and fueled by purpose. I’m ready for action, harmony and cooperation. I want to see people empowered by their inner guidance.

I’m ready for fearless souls to stand up for the truth.

I’m fed up with media that talks to us like we are buffoons. I’m fed up with people treating each other like we’re on opposing teams. Newsflash, we’re all on the same rock in space!

I’m ready for the love revolution of our planet. Let’s open our eyes and our hearts to what is really going on here. Stop living your life as an avoidance of pain and start dealing with your issues.

Get your head out of your ass and fall in love with the mysterious force that somehow manages (all at once) to keep your heart beating, your neighbor breathing, bees pollenating, frogs chirping, trees growing, the Earth spinning, the sun flaring, the stars pulsing and the cosmos dancing.

We are a part of something extremely beautiful. It is time for a grand awakening.

Yeah but how? DO THE WORK. THE INNER WORK. DEAL WITH YOUR SHIT. DO IT NOW. I’m here to support you. I can’t tell you who you are, but I can ask you the right questions to inspire you to remember. I love you.

By |February 26th, 2014|Categories: spirituality|Tags: , , |Comments Off on mystery and miracles

prince charming finally arrived

Near the end of 2012, I decided I was going to start a new business. Honestly, I didn’t really put that much into it then, because maybe the world was going to end? Possibly aliens were coming. The poles were going to shift. You remember.

When 2013 arrived, I decided I was going to make my business a priority. Cleverly, I named the computer file for my business stuff “Save Yourself”. Befuddled by what I had gotten myself into, I hired a branding coach. With her by my side, I started down the path of creating my “authentic brand”.

What that really meant was taking a courageous look at who I am, what are my stories, what am I great at, and how do I dream of serving the world. Every week, I met with my coach and was given the opportunity to step into vulnerability and talk about the stuff I never talk about: what I’m good at, what are my dreams, my fears and my hopes. Supported by my coach, who is one of the most loving creatures I know, I kept diving into areas I thought were off-limits; finding forgotten stones that were covering up hidden gems of talents and abilities.

Through this process, in no particular order:

  • I started writing a book. I travelled to NYC to learn about being an author. I stopped writing a book.
  • I was in 5 awesome weddings in one month, including one as the officiant.
  • I taught a bajillion yoga classes (I count the ones I co-teach out loud with my partner while we sleep… me “inhale right leg high”, him “exhale low lunge”. This really happens).
  • I explored the delicate power of an open heart.
  • I screamed like a lunatic while driving.
  • In meditations, I travelled to realms of unspeakable love and peace.
  • I was gifted stronger intuition.
  • I held space for clients to see their own light.
  • I rented my own office.
  • I unrented my own office.
  • I let my heart expand.
  • I saw my heart contract.
  • I took on a new name, and struggled with the weirdness of that choice.
  • I started blogging regularly and let my writing change me.
  • I read books that altered the path of my life.
  • I met people that impacted my soul at the most vulnerable levels.
  • I started writing a book, again.
  • I took a trip to LA for a conference that rocketed me into new levels of leadership, prosperity and joy.
  • I committed to living only on my heart’s path.
  • I felt more support than ever, both from my people and from my angels and guides.
  • I had days where I felt no support at all.
  • I watched new yoga teachers learn the incredible pose that is “yoga teacher”.
  • I blew my comfort zone to smithereens.
  • I dropped the prison of “say only what will keep you safe”.
  • I chose to happily seek out mild discomfort everyday.
  • I found there is a wealth of gifts inside of me, that exist for me to give to others.
  • I explored what and whom I’m giving my power to.
  • I started to honestly look at and rewrite how I relate to money.
  • I watched from my safe farmhouse as friends’ homes were destroyed in the Boulder Flood. Trapped by the waters, I could only pray.
  • I planned a bachelorette hut trip and decided I’m going to run a hut trip retreat.
  • I made my partner wear my dad’s jeans.
  • I found a deeper more intimate relationship with the feminine and the masculine.
  • I saw visions of my cells as portals to other dimensions.
  • I felt great hope, and total dismay.
  • I saw the most incredible lightning storm that ever happened. Ever.
  • I watched SpongeBob, Project Runway and Christmas Vacation, in August.
  • I asked myself what it means to have a step-ish son.
  • I didn’t ski. I didn’t cut my hair. I took a ton of epsom salt baths.
  • I thanked the water. I thanked the Earth. I thanked the air, fire and space. Everyday.
  • I prayed to my angels.
  • I stepped into leadership.
  • On my 33rd birthday, I literally burned up all my old stories. 33 is the year Hobbits come of age, but if this was Middle Earth, I’d be an Elf.
  • I uncovered what I told myself a love relationship was, and I surrendered what it actually is. I thought about running away. I chose to stay.
  • I learned to say No and I said it a lot.
  • I shed enough tears to fill a bathtub. I laughed long enough for the moon to go from New to Full.
  • I started painting again, I stopped painting again.
  • My step-ish son and I wrote a theme song for each of our cats.

I do think the Hobbits are onto something, though. But to me, 2013 was less of a coming of age and more of the year I realized that there was no “Prince Charming” coming to save me from my misery. Save Yourself seemed like a clever name for a business at the start of the year, but it actually turned out to be the theme for my year.

2013 was the year I saved myself and became my own Queen Extraordinary.

By |December 19th, 2013|Categories: business|Tags: , , , , , , , , |Comments Off on prince charming finally arrived

believe it to see it

Eye doctors say strange things to me. “You have the eyes of a 60 year old woman,” and “You should get a past life healing on your eyes,” are two of my favorites.

When I was 12, my left eye had a lump in it and swelled shut. I had surgery to have it removed. When I was 19, I managed to contract a random 3rd world eye disease, which like 3 in 1 million American’s get. At 21 I had reconstructive surgery on my eye lids to repair the damage from the mysterious 3rd world eye disease.

I have had every kind of treatment on my eyes, except laser surgery of course. My eyes are “too old for that.” The reason I’m telling you this is because I’ve been told I will most likely go blind. Which is a very uncreative thing to say to someone in their 20s. Of course I cried my face off about it, and then I said “fuck that”. Instead I’ve explored what it means to see. What it means to be seen. What it means to be a visionary and what is vision.

I’ve googled eye health and variations of it a thousand times. I have several books about eye nutrition, eye yoga and eye fitness. I have read that the eyes are related to the liver and the third chakra. Ayurveda talks about the eyes having Pitta imbalances, and you can heal them with ghee (clarified butter) and rose water. Even with all of the information I have gathered, I still haven’t completely healed this.

In all of it, what I have found is that we rely so heavily on vision, which is one of our least trust worthy senses. “See it to believe it” is one of the most ignorant policies there is.

Here’s a basic reminder about how the eyes work. Light hits an object, and is reflected into your eye. Your eye flips the image upside-down and sends the light to the opposite side of the brain. The brain then flips it right side up and interprets and fills in the holes to create an image.

Did you ever notice how you don’t have blank spots when you blink? Probably not. The brain keeps the image seamless and filled in based on what it expects to see. So basically, everything we see is an interpretation of light based on expectations.

It’s more like believe it to see it.

On top of that, humans can only see a small percentage of the light spectrum. We actually can’t really see light unless we look directly at its source. We really only see objects that are in light. When I go through eye “problems”, I find myself pausing to really really look at what is in front of me.

I am most fascinated by living things: humans, plants, mountains, animals, bugs, the sky. What if you looked at everything like it could be the both the last and first time you saw that thing. I bet you would notice that your plant isn’t just green. It has veins and yellows and little hair thingies and it moves and grows and drinks.

Here’s another fun fact. Your pineal gland, also known as your third eye, has actual rods and cones: light receptors. I wonder why a gland in the middle of your brain would have light receptors? And what do they see?

My new business is asking new things of me. I’m putting myself “out there” more and more and asking to be seen by others. The thing is I can’t control how people see me. I’m also coaching people and seeing them with unique perspective from my inner vision. I’m being asked to really see myself and create a vision for how I want my life to be.

Challenge your own interpretations of what you think you are looking at. Slow down a bit and see if your world starts to appear new. Are you trying to control how others see you? Do you really see yourself?

Thank your eyes for the amazing show they are constantly broadcasting for you. Maybe you’ll start seeing things you never believed possible.

By |December 3rd, 2013|Categories: how to|Tags: , , , |Comments Off on believe it to see it