dimensions of awesome

I’ve been transformed, or rather, I’m transforming at a speed that is pretty unfathomable. In the last month, I have learned more about myself than ever before. Right now, I am experiencing both utter confusion and total clarity. I feel completely at peace and totally shaken up. In the past month, I have made statements and shared things that literally changed my paradigm, and therefore changed the collective paradigm.

Here’s what I know, we have to close the gap between spiritual and human. The traditional systems of spirituality have served us, now we have to personalize them. Maybe that means a little from Yoga, Buddhism, Egypt, sacred geometry, angels and Christianity. We have to stop pretending that business isn’t personal. We need to stop seeing the world as something separate from our pain and our hearts.

These changes in consciousness are happening, and from my perspective they are happening very quickly. I know this because it is happening inside of me and I’m guessing inside of you. Whatever image you think you are holding up to the world will be torn down. There is no room for falsity, powerlessness, pretending, even for avoiding aspects of the truth. Anytime I try to manipulate my truth or hold back my power, I feel actual pain in my body.

I have no idea what this means. It almost feels like my soul is more in my body than ever before. I can feel my cells vibrating. I feel like I’m a little bit of a mess, and yet, I’m also filled with bliss. I’m aching for an adventure and yet I want to sit in stillness. I feel out of control and completely safe. I feel like I’m transparent and raw and yet, more comfortable than when I’m trying to shield myself from being seen.

And it’s all awesome. I don’t have to package this up for you and make it into a conceptual lesson. I’m interested in sharing an experience. The less sense it makes, the more potent the information is. I just get to be raw in my emotions, joyful in my humanness, peaceful in my spirit and wired in my mind… all at once. In this recognition that there is always more than one state of being happening, I feel more unified than ever. I feel like I no longer wish to push parts of myself away, and am instead embracing that right now, I kind of want to cry, and scream out in the pain of disappointment, and yet I’m happy and safe. I’m creating something new by myself, but I know I am not alone.

How can all of those things be happening at once? How can they not? This is humanness. This is the layers of self. When I stop denying that multiple dimensions of me exist all the time, then I feel whole and integrated.