shelves and selves

Recently, as I was climbing into bed, I looked over at my bookshelf and saw my books in a new way. Shelves of incredible teachings, channelings and lovely messages. I’d read and loved each one. And each one has taught me something about my self. And as I was looking at my books I had this moment of what could be almost be thought of as a graduation.

I saw the books and realized I didn’t feel like I needed them anymore. I realized, again, that everything I need is inside of me.

I have rationally had a concept of this for several years, in fact for all of my life on some level.

But what happened on a deeper level than ever was a surrender entirely into the support of my own heart, my own soul, my own light.

No matter how brilliantly I tell you that you are the creator of your own life. No matter how much I tell you your thoughts, your emotions, your life, are YOUR responsibility. You won’t get it until you get it.

And the real truth is that “getting it” is an ever unfolding process. It is constant evolution.

Am I saying I’m going to stop reading and learning and exploring? No way. Instead, the way I learn has shifted. I love my books and I now see them as a reflection of my own truth. Which I have known, but I now feel it deeper in my body.

What does internal referral mean? For me, it’s a sensation. When I am oriented externally, I feel like I have no skin and that I am highly stimulated. I feel mildly nervous and even slightly agitated.

When I am internally oriented, I feel the space in the center of my heart open and expand beyond what I see outside of my body. I feel anchored, grounded and real.

It’s important to realize though, that in order for me to do this, I have had years and hours of practicing understanding how my heart speaks to me. I am clear on the difference (most of the time) between wisdom speaking and ego drama stirring shit up. I differentiate through a visceral experience. A friend of mine’s wisdom speaks through vision and sound. You might smell things. I coach people in this… how does your wisdom speak to you?

Because of my years of practice, more than ever, I feel solid in making choices from the space inside. Where I used to turn to my gurus, my books and my loved ones, I now turn to my heart first.

It has been my teachers, my gurus and my loved ones that have assisted me in reaching this anchored place and the level of appreciation I feel for them has only taken me deeper into my own wisdom.

May you find your own heart’s voice. May you dare to be you! The gurus outside of us are starting to fade, become your own guru. Go in and find your own guru.