Today I don’t want to write. I have started and deleted 4 or 5 blogs this morning. I feel slow and like I have nothing to say. I actually kind of want to go back to bed. I wouldn’t say I’m grumpy or uninspired. I just feel pretty average and like I’d rather just chill at home today. I’m not depressed, just introverted.
And guess what, that’s okay! Life on Earth goes in cycles, days, nights, seasons, growth, destruction… and so do humans. We have times where we feel creative and expansive and inspired, and times when we need a little quiet, softness and less stimulation. I’m learning to let go of the hallucination that expansion is the only reason we are alive and when we feel like hiding we are ruining everything and should probably die. I know that sounds extreme, but a lot of fears at their core are that extreme.
Generally speaking, and especially in Boulder, we have a very go-go-go oriented culture. We’re all caught in a strange pattern of out yoga-ing, out green-smoothie-ing, out running, out healthy-eating ourselves and each other. Boulder is the land of busy glorification, and it’s exhausting. What are we so afraid will happen if we stopped doing so much? What are we afraid would happen if we slowed down? What would happen if we stopped flying around like crazy people?
Here’s what I’m afraid of: If I don’t write an amazing blog today, my readers will stop reading and forget about me. I’ll never make money and I will end up starving or working a horrible real job that I hate. If I don’t run out the door in the morning, I’ll have to feel the anxiety of an open calendar. If my calendar is open, I’m not worthy of the new car, or the clients, or the chai I am drinking. I have to do something in order to be a valid human. And of course, FOMO.
What are you afraid will happen if you slow down?
I’m thinking about a revolution: SLODO, where we SLOw (the fuck) DOwn and pay attention to what we are doing and why. In making space to be still and go inward we get to re-prioritize, recalibrate, and refresh.